Oop, there’s the WWE leader, so I guess it’s time for some Wrasslin!

Last week, Theodore Long set up a 5-man match to name the new Smackdown
Champion.

Live (taped) from the Pond in Anaheim.

Smackdown opening, and Muhammad Hassan (W/ Daivari) rudely interrupts our Pyro and gets in the ring. After showing indignity at the USA chant, He then lays into the American propensity for blowing shit up on the 4th of July. He finds irony in the concept of Independence Day, brings up the typical, “Hey, people stare at me in airports!” argument, and says that things will change when he wins the Smackdown Championship. He reminds us that he defeated Big Show, claims invincibility again, and lists his competitors in the 5-man with disdain, finishing with The Undertaker. He goes and says that the day of the Deadman is done, and, as if on cue…

BONG! Here comes The Undertaker. Undertaker makes the full ring entrance, gets in the ring, and stares Hassan down. Daivari is looking squirrelly, Undertaker shoots him a look and he scurries out of the ring. Hassan regains his composure, and starts sucking up. He backpedals and says that what he really meant was that Undertaker had beaten almost everyone; Except The Great Muhammad Hassan! Undertaker has heard enough and grabs Hassan. Daivari tries to sneak attack from behind with the weakest chair shot since Lance Storm, but ‘Taker shrugs it off, turn around, and gives Daivari a chokeslam for his troubles. Hassan escapes, Undertaker glares, and we are off to commercials.

Moments ago: ‘Taker and Hassan had a little misunderstanding.

Back, and Paul London is out to defend his title against Chavo Guererro, and this week, they actually hope to finish their match.

Paul mocks Chavo’s attention pose to start, bell rings, and they are off. Lock up and Chavo takes London down with a drop toehold. Paul mat wrestles around and gets a headlock. Paul with a cover attempt, but Chavo gets away. Chavo comes back in with a kick to the gut. Paul into the corner, but he leapfrogs a charging Chavo and a kick in mid air to the back sends Chavo out through the turnbuckles. Paul works Chavo over a bit, but Chavo regains control. Reversal exchange ends with Chavo up on the second rope and eating a dropkick as he comes down.

The sound of lawnmowers herald the arrivals of the Mexicools, riding John Deere’s and holding inflatable Corona bottles. Chavo and Paul decide that their match is secondary to keeping their collective asses from getting kicked. They square off, but it’s no use, because they are 2 and the Mexicools are 3. After a beatdown that ends with Paul taking a wicked post shot. Juvi grabs the mic and asks 3 times if there are any Mexicans in the house. He then has some bad news for them: the Gringos think they are fat and lazy. And Juvi agrees. He tells the Mexicans that they need to rise up against the Gringo’s. He introduces the band: Psychosis actually speaks with a little more clarity than Juvi, but Super Crazy still needs work on his English diction. He then introduces himself, and lets us know that he is The Juice! After proclaiming themselves the Mexicools again, they get on their mowers and head out.

Back from commercials, and we get a video package of the hostilities between Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guererro.

Back, and Eddie is wearing a creepy smirk. Steve Romero has a mic in his face and asks him why he was smiling last week. Eddie says that he was smiling because he knows that tonight, Rey is going to go to the ring, get on his knees, and beg for mercy.

Elsewhere, Milena has Nitro and Mercury double-checking the invite list (Paris and Tom, Nick and Jessica, and Tom and Katie are so totally going to be here, but Ashton doesn’t like to go to Anaheim, seeing as how it’s a wannabe L.A. Mercury chimes in that Orange County sucks.) Milena can’t wait to see the headlines in Variety about her first match. She tells the boys to stay back, and steps out of the room. Flashbulbs go off, but only one voice can be heard yelling, paparazzi style, for Milena to turn to her right. Couldn’t they have gotten at least a couple other stagehands to add voices? Anyway, we’re off to commercials.

Back, and Milena (W/ skanky cheerleaders outfit) is out to take on Michelle McCool.

Milena kicks things off with a spear. Milena bails quick and tries to run, but Michelle gives chase, grabs her by the hair, and drags her back in. She puts Milena down with a couple dropkicks. Milena begs off, but once Michelle lets her guard down, Milena gets a cheap shot in. They brawl, Michelle ends up getting a 10-punch count-along, but Milena pushes her off the ropes and she lands hard. Milena covers using the ropes for leverage, and gets the three count. Mercury and Nitro come down and after a bit of congratulations, they hit the snapshot on Michelle. Heidenreich charges down, but MNM bail before he can do anything. Heidenreich proclaims that they’ll pay, and we go backstage where…

Chris Benoit is doing pushups to prepare for the 5-man tonight. Off to commercials!

Back, and Eddie Guererro is out, apparently to make good on his promise earlier. He has a mic and guesses (correctly!) that everyone saw the match last week against Rey Mysterio. He supposes that everyone saw him get beat, and that everyone thinks Eddie is a loser. Eddie disagrees, and says that he’s actually a winner, and says that he’s won against odds that nobody can comprehend. Since his loss last week, Eddie has been doing some soul searching. He brought a camera along on his journey, and says that people will find this interesting, especially Rey.

We cut to a playground, and Eddie says that he promised that Rey was going to get hurt, and that that hurt is going to extend to his family. He shows us that Rey’s son, Dominic is on the swings. He says that he’s got a secret for Dominic (and the rest of us) and after encouraging Dominic to swing higher, he plays with him for a second, then asks him if he likes bedtime stories. Dom says he loves bedtime stories, and Eddie promises a bedtime story that nobody is ever going to forget. They hug, and Eddie gives the camera the death stare.

Back to the arena, and Eddie calls Rey out to the ring. Rey Mysterio marches out, and begs Eddie to not do this. Eddie hints at a terrible secret that Rey doesn’t want Eddie to say. Eddie tells Rey to get on his knees, and Rey does. Eddie pulls out a bag of twizzlers, and taunts Rey. He takes a bite, asks Rey if he wants some, and then grabs Rey by the face and spits the candy in his face. Eddie tells him to chew on that, and takes his leave. Rey just keeps a shocked look on his face as we go to commercials.

Back, and we are an hour into the show. No Raw Draft picks, and we are starting the 5-man Smackdown Championship match. Interesting.

First out, John “Bradshaw” Layfield. Second, Muhammad Hassan (no Daivari). Next is Booker T. Chris Benoit is next (biggest pop yet). Next out is… Theodore Long?

Last week, he made this a 6-man match. Well, since Big Show got drafted this week, we’re adding in the first of the Raw Draft Picks: Christian! No Lovely Miss Tomko, tho.

And of course, because we can’t have Christian actually garnering any actual credibility, the lights drop, “BONG!” and when the lights come back up, everyone has hightailed except Christian, who is now alone with The Undertaker. Undertaker manhandles him to start. Cover only gets 2. Christian dives for Hassan, tags him in, and as we go to commercials, Hassan has a look of horror on his face.

Back, and Undertaker is controlling Hassan with his power. Snapmare, cover, only gets 2. Hassan in the corner, and ‘Taker going to town with the hard rights. Hassan whipped across the ring and he gets an elbow up for a charging ‘Taker, but walks right into a big boot. Undertaker up for Old School. Hassan forced into J”B”L’s corner, J”B”L begging off until ‘Taker turns his back and J”B”L shoves him, and it’s a tag. ‘Taker knocks him off the apron, but the ref is able to get him out of the ring. J”B”L in just as Hassan tags Benoit in. J”B”L trying to power Benoit down to start. Benoit fights back, but J”B”L with the Greco Roman Eyepoke. J”B”L brawling, but Benoit gets a big shoulder and gets the hat trick Germans. J”B”L powders out, but not before tagging Hassan. Hassan doesn’t want to be in there, but he comes in fast and furious. Benoit regains control and gets 2 off a northern lights suplex. Both men up and brawling, Benoit gets a German. Hassan crawls up and is looking right in the eyes of the Deadman. Hassan ponders what he should do, but when confronted with “Smart option” or Dumb Option” he goes for “Dumb” and takes a swing at ‘Takers jaw. ‘Taker just stands there for a second, and then gets in the ring and starts kicking Hassans ass. Apparently that counted as a tag, because ‘Taker is the legal man as he follows him out of the ring and starts pulverizing him with a steel chair. The bell rings, and ‘Taker has been counted out, and it looks like Hassan is out of the match as well as he runs to the back. As we try to make heads or tails of the situation, we go to commercials.

Back, and hey, the bookers remembered that Booker T is in this match. He and Benoit are pretty evenly matched, both of them brawling and hitting a couple signature spots until Booker settles in with some knife edge chops on Benoit in the corner. Benoit counters a whip with a high knee and a near fall. Booker into the abdominal stretch. Benoit with a couple lightning suplexes. He drops a couple elbows, and goes for another suplex, but Booker reverses. Booker in charge now and he stares J”B”L down. As he goes in for the kill, Benoit gets a small package for two, then follows up with an enziguri. Both men down, but Benoit is up first. Booker grabs him and hangs him on the top rope. Booker going in for the kill again, but Benoit fights up, grabs the legs, and after a bit of fighting, locks in the Sharpshooter. Booker makes it to the ropes, so Benoit changes into the crossface, but J”B”L is right there to tag himself in and take advantage of a weakened Booker. Benoit blind tags himself back in. More working on Booker, but before Benoit can hit a suplex, J”B”L tags himself back in, this time off Booker T. J”B”L with a powerslam, cover, and Benoit is eliminated. Now it’s J”B”L with Booker in the ring as Christian looks on and we are off to commercials.

Back, and Booker is staying alive with a boot to the face of a charging J”B”L. Booker with the knife-edges. As J”B”L is forced back into the corner, Christian tags off him and J”B”L grabs Booker so that Christian can get a few free shots in. Christian with the beat down, then locking in a rear headlock. Booker off the ropes, but right into a dropkick, that gets 2. Christian with the neck vice, then back into the rear choke. Booker fighting up and he gets a couple elbows. Christian tries to fly off the second rope, but Booker is there to hit a faceplanter. Booker with a couple stiff clotheslines. Christian dodges the scissors kick, Booker pushes out of the unprettier, then hits the scissors kick. Christian rolls to the corner and J”B”L tags in. He instantly in with the stomps, and he follows up with a pair of corner clotheslines. J”B”L takes his time, and Booker is able to reverse a power bomb into a back body drop, but J”B”L has a big boot for him. Booker rolling around and Christian gets a tag off him and get to the top rope, J”B”L doesn’t know that Christian is tagged in until he turns around into a flying jalapeno. Christian keeping the offense on until J”B”L gets a clothesline and takes over. Christian fights out, but a body press is caught and he falls prey to the fallaway slam. Booker tags himself in and goes after J”B”L. Booker with the scissor kick, missile dropkick, and a jackknife cover gets 2. Both men back up, a couple knife-edge chops, then a bookend gets two. Booker pumping up and we are going for our last commercial break.

Back, and J”B”L is going up to the top rope. This ends with him getting caught and getting hit with a powerslam, but cover gets 2. Booker fighting J”B”L, but when J”B”L goes off the ropes, Christian tags himself in, and as Booker sets up for a scissors kick, Christian runs in and grabs a schoolboy for the cheap rollup pin. Booker is livid, but what’s done is done. Christian struts around a bit, but turns around into a Clothesline from Hell. J”B”L covers, and the 1-2-3 is perfunctory.

But wait, here comes Teddy Long with the velvet wrapped Belt. Teddy ha good news and bad news for J”B”L. You see, the bad news is that even though J”B”L just wrestled for an hour and quite cleanly outlasted 5 men, he IS NOT the Smackdown Champion. You see, Teddy has decided that there is no need for a Smackdown champion. BUT! J”B”L need not fret. Tonight, he has earned the right to be #1 contender for the World Championship! And without any further ado, lets introduce Smackdown’s final draft pick:

BATISTA! For the first time since he was a D’Von Dudley stooge, Batista walks through the curtain at Smackdown. His Pyro goes off, he poses for the crowd, and makes his way to the ring. J”B”L looks like he’s just shit his pants as Batista gets in the ring, takes off the shades, and stares him down with that all knowing smirk. And on that, we fade out, WWE logo, and we are outta here!

Wow, two great shows in a row. The first hour was pretty standard setup/throwaway stuff with the McCool/Milena match giving us our RDA of fanservice, more shenanigans from the Mexicools, and Eddie and Rey letting us know they are nowhere near finished. On this last, I really hope that the creative team (or Eddie and Rey themselves) have thought up of something actually good and watchable and not crappy like a “They are secretly gay” or “Eddie is really Dominic’s father” angle. I can hope.

Last hour was nothing but awesome. As soon as Undertaker was out of the picture, Booker, Benoit, and Christian were awesome with their work and J”B”L was at his best with his underhanded shenanigans. This was another excellent Free-Per-View offering. Personally, I would have preferred it be Jericho instead of Christian come over. Because let’s face it, Christian is a good challenger for the main event, but name one person that can say “Christian - World Champion contender” and keep a straight face. Didn’t think so. The drafting of Batista was as expected, but this saves us from confusion of there being a Smackdown title along with the World title (also saves us from my fantasy booking of HHH adding “unified two world titles” to his resume.) Batista should have a good feud with J”B”L, especially seeing as how J”B”L was talking all that trash on him earlier this year.

Once again, excellent show. See ya next week!