WWE leader, and Eddie did a bad, bad thing last week.

Smackdown Opening, and we are LIVE (taped) from Bridgeport, Conn. No Pyro as Rey Mysterio is out to be 

Eddie’s music hits, but he’s not in the arena, he’s safely backstage on a couch. He shows off an “I’m your Papi!” T-shirt, and says that it’s time for chapter two of Eddie’s bedtime story. Rey tries to talk over him, but Eddie shushes him and tells him he’s being rude. Eddie then says that now is not the time, but by the end of the show tonight, we WILL tell us the second chapter, and that Rey is sure to love it. Rey is near tears when Christian says that Rey’s likely to, “love this too,” and brains him from behind with the mic. Just to be a dick, he hits an Unprettier and heads out as we go to commercials.

Back, and after a “moments ago” moment, we are face to face with Jillian Hall. You see, she’s had this thing on her face her entire life. Yet, she doesn’t let it get her down, and she carries herself high and proud despite it. She Makes us take a good look at it, and says that whoever crosses her path had better look her in the eye, or they’ll pay. She says she is here to work for MNM, and that’s exactly what she’s going to do. As she walks off, she passes between Booker T and Sharmell and gives them a scoffing look. When she’s out of shot, Booker looks at his wife and asks her to tell him he didn’t just see that.

Out to the ring, and MNM (W/ Jillian) are out to take on Booker T (W/ Sharmell) and Chris Benoit.

Booker and Nitro start. Lockup, break, then they go through a Hammerlock sequence. Booker wins it with a headlock, then a shoulderblock to knock Nitro down. Hip toss and a clothesline gets a 2-count. Tag to Benoit, and Nitro gets a few shots in, but Benoit answers with a chop. Benoit working Nitro over with a couple suplexes. Nitro is able to work Benoit back to his own corner and Mercury tags himself in. Shot to Benoit and Mercury gets a few shots in the corner before Benoit fights out again. Back and forth for a bit and Benoit goes for the sharpshooter, but Nitro is there to pull his partner out and we take a break for commercials.

Back, and Booker is knocking Mercury down with a chop. Mercury gets away and tags in Nitro, who runs right into a bodyslam. Booker with the back kick and cover gets two. Tag to Benoit, and after a quick reversal sequence, Benoit has a German Suplex for Nitro, one for Merc, and now going for the Hat trick with Nitro. Nitro blocks the second, but Benoit pounds him down and sets him up on the top rope. Benoit going for a belly to back superplex, but Mercury is there to trip him up. MNM take over and keep Benoit off his feet with your basic heel shenanigans. All through the match we are getting some big Booker T chants as well. Nitro has Benoit down, but Benoit hits an arm drag and a German to give him an opening. Nitro makes the tag, but Mercury eats an Enziguri and Benoit makes the tag to Booker, who is the proverbial Casa en Fuego. Booker handles MNM easily and tosses Nitro out to be put in the crossface. Booker is setting Mercury up for an axekick, but Milena trips him up. Sharmell is all, “Oh no you DI’INT!” and makes chase. Milena in the ring and Sharmell corners her, but this is interrupted by Jillian spearing her. Booker breaks them up, but in his distraction, Mercury gets a surprise rollup and with the help of the ropes, scores the cheap pinfall. Mercury and Nitro quickly hightail it up the ramp and the 4 of them stand victorious and Booker and Benoit register disbelief.

This week on Raw, shit happened.

Back, and Christian is met in the back hallway by Theodore Long. He congratulates him on a good first episode of the Peep Show. Christian is full of himself, but Teddy interrupts him and says that Christian wants to be in the Main Event so much, then tonight, Christian vs. Rey sounds like a jim-dandy of an idea! Christian is mildly put off by this.

Out to Ringside, and Tazz and Cole first hype the contract signing for the World Title match at Summerslam, and then throw us to a video package showing us how J”B”L won his #1 contendership.

Theodore Long is out with contract in hand and coming up next, Contract signing!

Backstage, and Josh Mathews is trying to interview Randy Orton. Randy brushes him off until Josh says he jumped the Undertaker last week. Orton says that he didn’t jump anybody, he was just repaying the favor to ‘Taker, and that later tonight, he’s going to make his intentions absolutely, undeniably, crystal clear tonight, right to ‘Taker’s face.

Out in the ring, and Teddy says it’s time to get this shindig started. John “Bradshaw” Layfield (W/ Orlando Jordan) is out first, and Batista follows. As he passes J”B”L’s limo, he accidentally tears one of the horns off the set on the front. Batista gets a big “Did I do that?” look on his face and brings the horn with him to the ring. He grabs a mic and says that’s his bad, and a little glue will fix it right up. J”B”L says Summerslam is about to start tonight. Batista retorts by saying that if J”B”L tries anything, he’ll stuff that horn right up his ass. Teddy tries to smooth things over by drawing attention to the contract, but J”B”L isn’t finished. He says his usual spiel about being a wrestling god, but Batista calls bullshit to high heaven. He says that J”B”L is an opportunist that takes the easy way out, and he has to earn it if he wants to win the World title, and tacks on the punchline that J”B”L isn’t a wrestling god, he’s a wrestling chump. J”B”L says that the only reason that Batista is still world champion is because he got himself intentionally disqualified, and that will NOT happen again. Batista says, “Oh, I know it won’t!” Teddy sits them down, and Batista signs first, ignoring J”B”L’s 3^rd grade attempt at goading him by spelling his name for him. Batista finishes up and passes the contract to J”B”L. J”B”L looks at it and can’t believe his eyes. He asks Batista if this is a joke, then lets the rest of us in on the joke by saying that Batista left the stipulation field blank. Batista says that he’s letting J”B”L choose because he doesn’t want him to have any excuses when Batista whips his ass. J”B”L laughs it off, and then says that if that’s the way it’s going to be, then fine. He says lets go all the way, signs, and Teddy picks up the contract and announces that the match at Summerslam will be No Hold Barred. J”B”L and Orlando leave without incident and Batista poses on the ring corners.

Backstage, Animal is putting his makeup on when Heidenreich come sup and says that ever since he’s gotten his new haircut, he’s really feeling it. Animal asks if he really feeling it, then it’s time for the next step and slides the facepaint kit to Heidenreich. He gingerly reaches for the brush as we fade to commercials.

“Whaaaaaat a rush!” Road Warrior Animal and Heidenreich (W/ new facepaint) are out to take on Josh somebody and Damien whoever. One of the guys gets beaten around a bit, Heidenreich lets the other guy tag in and take a couple free shots, then beats him down. Animal in, and one quick doomsday device later, tag champs retain.

After commercials, it’s time for your RDA of “Duh!” with Randy Orton. He starts us off with a little trip down memory lane by bringing up Wrestlemania and his loss to Undertaker. He says that fate intervened and he lost, but fate is now repaying the favor and giving Randy the chance to do what he NEEDS to do: beat the Undertaker. He acknowledges that Undertaker is a legend, but he is a legend killer, and he will spit in the face of Undertaker’s legacy. He challenges Undertaker to a match at Summerslam. He demands an answer right now…

“Bong!” the lights go dim, and the Smackatron goes all Undertaker creepy. Undertaker doesn’t actually appear, but over the letters RKO, his voiceover says that Randy wants to be a legend? Then at Summerslam, Randy will Rest in Peace (with the appropriate rearrangement of the letters to read RIP)! Randy goes nuts in the ring as we head to commercials.

The Boogyman is in the woods!

Back, and outside, Eddie is meeting a limo and out steps some woman. Eddie is extremely pleased to see her, and she is glad to be here as well. He says that without her, there is no Chapter 2, and she says that it’s getting hot out here, so let’s go inside.

Rey Mysterio is out to take on Christian. Rey starts things off hot and beats Christian down before he can even get in the ring. Christian recovering on the floor and Rey springboards and takes Christian out with a plancha. Rey rolls Christian into the ring and Christian comes back with a bit of power. Back and forth for a bit with Rey hitting some high flying moves and getting a couple pinfall attempts. At this point, Eddie and the Mystery woman come out at the top of the ramp. Rey gives us “WTF?” and at this point, we head to commercials. Oh, and I might mention that this is the main event, and it is only 9:30…

Back, and Christian has taken over during the commercial break, and while he beats Rey down, Eddie and the Mystery Woman smirk and have a few laughs over Eddie’s storybook. Christian keeping up the offense, mixing in a combination of brawling and bearhugs. Rey fights out after a bit and gets a swinging neckbreaker. Rey kicks Christian off a couple times and goes for a body scissors, but Christian hangs him up on the top rope. Christian hits it again, and Rey takes a tumble to the outside. Rey comes back in after a quick hangman on the ropes, but Christian takes control again. Christian kicking the shit out of Rey, but Rey gets a springboard cross body for 2. Christian comes right back, and gets a cover for two. Christian with the bearhug again, but Rey fights out and hits a couple dropkicks and gets a standing version of the west coats pop for two. Rey goes for another springboard cross body, but misses by a mile at Christian ducks. Eddie and Woman are mildly interested in the match now as we go to commercials.

Back, and Rey falls on Christian for two, but Christian kicks out and goes for the Unprettier. Unfortunately, by the law of finisher conservation, this is the second time tonight that Christian is trying to hit it, and since it’s not a PPV, it doesn’t work as Rey breaks out and dropkicks Christian into the ropes. 6-1-9, Drop the Dime, and Rey wins it!

Rey is on the stick, and telling Eddie to come down so they can go at it. Eddie says he’d love to come down and kick Rey’s ass, but you see, he’s a gentleman, and since he has a guest, he’s going to go on with Chapter two. He wants Rey to read along, so he has Anna, the mystery woman, deliver the book to Rey. She hands Rey the book, and Eddie tells Rey to open it and read Chapter two. Rey hesitates, and Eddie demands Rey open the book. Rey opens the book, and inside, there is a little blue paper. Rey goes white and Eddie tells him to read it. When Rey can’t, Eddie decides to go ahead and let us all know that those are custody papers. You see, it would appear that Eddie has been found by the courts to be both legally and biologically Dominic’s father, so next week, Rey had better bring Dominic so that Eddie can take custody. Rey composes himself, and pleads with Eddie not to do this. When Dominic said his first word, it was “Dad” and Rey was there for it. When Dominic learned how to ride a bike, Rey was the one teaching him. When Dominic broke his arm, it was Rey that took him to the hospital. Rey has been his father for 8 years, and that makes Rey his father. Eddie’s revelation last week has traumatized Dominic, and he hasn’t spoken a word since. Rey begs Eddie, even gets down on one knee, not to do this. Eddie, through all this, looks like he might just cave in, but Anna keeps whispering in his ear, and Eddie breaks out into a big grin and says that this is just what she said Rey would try to pull. He then formally introduces Anna as a mother, but she’s not Dominic’s mother, she’s Eddie’s lawyer and Eddie stands firm. Next week, Rey had better bring Dominic, or there will be hell to pay. We fade out on Eddie’s evil grin and Rey breaking down in the ring, WWE logo, and we are outta here.

Well, what can I say, Rey/Eddie is THE plotline on Smackdown, and no matter how retarded it gets, it looks like they’ll play it to it’s bitter end. Everything else tonight was just kinda there. Decent matches, nothing ultra noteworthy. Two weeks to Summerslam and while we’ve got a lineup, I have to agree with Rick; not a single match on this card intrigues me.

See ya next week!