Opening Pyro/Theme

Tonight the show is broadcast from the “biggest little city in the world”, Reno, NV, which I believe is also the hometown of Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart. Is that a little foreshadowing? No, but it damn well should be.

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We’re back and Booker has Benoit in a headlock. Presumably to allow Benoit’s heart to start beating again. Benoit elbows (and chops) his way out, but is elbowed in the face for his effort. Booker hits a suplex and gets a near fall. Booker applies another side headlock and again Benoit elbows his way out. Benoit hits a snap suplex but again, only gets a 2 count. Benoit then hits the German Suplex Trifecta. Throat slash, and Benoit is up top and hits the diving headbutt. Again Benoit gets a 2 count. Booker hits a side kick and tries to go up top, but it met by Benoit, who hits a superplex. Sharmell grabs a steel chair and tries to get in the ring, but Benoit catches her and she decides it’s probably better to powder out. As the referee checks on Booker, Sharmell hits Benoit from behind with a low blow, which leads to Booker hitting the scissors kick and getting the pinfall. You’re winner and NEEEWWWW United States Champion….Booker T.

After the match: Sharmell is uber-excited and snatches the belt from Tony Chimel. Booker and Sharmell celebrate all the way up the aisle while Benoit stink eyes Sharmell. I hope this leads somewhere with Sharmell getting her comeuppance.

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Backstage: Booker and Sharmell and celebrating, when in comes Benoit comes in screaming his little heart out. Sharmell goes into the “Oh no you dit’n’t” mode again, which sends one recapper who shall remain nameless into a rage. Booker doesn’t buy Benoit’s story and stands up for his woman

Backstage #2: Teddy Long walks into the trainers room where Cowboy Bob is receiving treatment for his trick back. Young Randall wants the match with Batista and Eddie postponed until next week, but this week it seems a General Manager is loyal to his main event and Randy has to either find a new tag partner or go it alone in a handicap match. Now if Randy were smart (HA!) He’d take the Handicap match because WWE Bylaw 234s section 3 says “In a handicap match, the team with more wrestlers shall never win” This bylaw was also brought up in my No Mercy preview, but I wisely went against it because of another overriding bylaw, but that’s neither here nor there.

Backstage #3: Josh Matthews (Who may qualify for the Juniors Division) is going to interview JBL who is with the beautiful Jillian Hall, without the prosthetic growth of course. Josh wants to talk about what happened on Raw on Monday night when JBL’s music hit during Edge’s match. I missed everything on Monday because I was watching the aforementioned baseball game. JBL says he doesn’t appear on Raw because “JBL doesn’t appear on the B-Team” JBL also promises that no one will show up tonight because Smackdown is JBL’s show.

<Ads> (Great wrestling segments there huh? Fast paced action be damned. Steph needs more E and less W(II).

Matt gets a decent reaction from the Smackdown people. Cole makes mention of a WWE.com exclusive interview with Matt Hardy, and they don’t show it, thus making it exclusive. It looks like someone at the HQ has been listening to a certain Canuck lately. Simon grabs the mic and says that had Matt been in a little better shape, Lita wouldn’t have left him for another guy. I disagree, but what does my opinion matter? I’m a moderately out of shape guy myself and I’d like to think Ms. Hosehead wouldn’t leave me, but maybe I’m naïve. Back to the action before I start to accuse her of being a whore. Hardy explodes on Simon with a flurry of fists and kicks. Hardy does a springboard plancha over the top and continues to punch Simon. Hardy goes up top, but is met with a cast to the ribcage. Simon hits a few more offensive moves, but let’s be honest, it’s not going to last, so let’s cut to the chase here. The winner via Pinfall after the Twist of Fate, Matt Hardy. I realize I cheaped you people out of a match recap, but the match quite frankly was boring to the “Extreme” and that’s not Hardy’s fault. Simon Dean, once again got too much offence and it took away from the return. Much like Hardy’s return to Raw against Snitsky. Hopefully the SD crew stops dicking this guy around, much like they stopped dicking around other guys who came from Raw, like Christia…Fuck. Nevermind.

Backstage: Steve Romero (who?) tells us that Security is on standby in case any Raw guys decide to show up. You can tell they guys are security based on their shirts which appropriately read “Security”

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Raw Rebound: Austin is pissy about JR being fired and he…well you saw it, unless you were watching a kick ass baseball game.

Damn that is some shitty entrance music from Rey. I hate to beat a dead horse, but I’d rather listen to an eternity of the BeeGees where Andy Gibb sings Shadow Dancer for eons and eons.

Rey uses his speed, JBL uses his power and power always wins folks…Always. Rey takes control with his speed to start. Hmm, seems I was wrong. First time for everything. I’ve said this before, but Rey’s matches are hard to follow because he’s so damn quick. Let’s use a Rick-ism and say it’s “backy forthy” to start, until Jillian hits Rey with her clipboard and JBL tackled Rey off the apron and into the retaining wall. JBL rolls Rey back in and tries a pinfall, but only gets a 2 count. JBL then hits the “Last Call” fallaway slam thing and stomps away at Rey’s prone carcass. Channeling his best Lex Luger, JBL puts Rey in a torture rack. Rey eye gouges his way out and then hits a springboard bulldog. JBL hits Rey with a thumb to the eye, but can’t do anything else. Rey hits a split legged moonsault but only gets a 2 count again. JBL tries to power bomb Rey, but Rey counters with a hurricurana and JBL is prone for the 619, which Rey actually hits. When was the last time that happened?

Edge’s music then hits and Rey is looking around when from behind, Edge spears the bejesus out of Rey. JBL is up and chases Edge out of the arena. As the replays are showing, Chris Masters hits the ring and puts Rey Mysterio in the “Masterlock”. I have waited 5 weeks to rave about this juiced up piece of human waste, but my beloved Calgary Flames beat the archrival Edmonton Oilers tonight and quite frankly, my mood is too good to be wasted on tearing this guy apart. The next time I somehow bring up Masters, I’ll give you all a great rant but for tonight, he dodged the proverbial bullet. Anywhoo, a seemingly non-stop parade of cruiserweights hits the ring which Masters easily destroys, because he is indestructible…until Hardcore Holly chases him out of the ring. Master vs. Hardcore Holly huh? Hey Rick, you reading this? Think about *that* for a few minutes and then mix yourself a drink. Lord knows I had to.

As another aside, the announcers oversold their hatred for guys from Raw being there and quite frankly it came across as over the top. If you’ve read my columns, you’d think I’m a fan of over the top, based on my style, but I’m not (a fan of over the top).

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Backstage: The SD guys are all wicked pissed and Rey tells Teddy that he wants a piece of Edge. OOH..a 5’3 guy wants a piece of a guy significantly bigger than him. Hey Edge, you’d better be scared…unless you’re too busy fucking someone else’s wi….No, that’s too low, even for me. Bless you Edge.

I’m not sure if it’s worth a recap again because it’s a case of “If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all” Lashley does what he’s done for the last 3-4 weeks. He suplexed the bejesus out of Vito, hit him with the dominator and won the match. Impressive? Sure. Time to put this guy in an actual feud? Absolutly. Do I have anyone in mind? Yes I do, thanks for asking. Will I tell you who it is? Maybe next week.

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Backstage: Teddy and Network Guy are talking about the Raw guys invading, but Network Guy doesn’t care about that because he’s got some new talent to introduce. Yes folks it’s time for the debut of the Smackdown Juniors. I have nothing to say. Nothing witty, nothing negative. I am too pissed off for words to know that I have to recap that shit. Of course as I have proven over the last few weeks, if it isn’t important to me, it’s not going to be important to you. Think of it as my gift to you. I don’t want to recap it and you don’t want to read it. Everyone wins.

Teddy says he needs some air, so he opens the door and who should appear but The Boogeyman. I’ve actually been looking forward to this all night. He sings another creepy lullaby and scares the Juniors. I guess my idea wasn’t taken under advisement. But still the most entertaining segment of the night. Especially the dude who keeps eating ham. Oh the hilarity.

Backstage #2: Steve Romero is trying to ask Sylvain what he thinks of Edge attacking Rey Mysterio and Sylvain says he only cares about 3 people “Me, Myself and Brooke Shields” Or maybe it was I…I really don’t remember. Anywhoo, Bob Holly and Sylvain have another match but at least it’s a hardcore match, so it may have some redeeming quality, though I’m not holding out hope.

Holly throws Sly through a mirror, then starts pummeling him with a series of punches. Apparently this hardcore match is being filmed by the Blair Witch people. They seems to go in an elevator and we’re out for some…

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We’re back and Sly and Holly are punching and chopping each other. Sly seems to be bleeding from the chest area…very badly. They make their way back to the ringside area and I have a feeling that things go to shit from here. Sly suplexes Holly on the floor. Holly kicks Sly in the mouth and grabs a broom handle. There was a hazing incident on a University up here in Canada involving a football team and a broom handle…enough said. Holly breaks the stick over Sly’s back and pummels him with the 2 remaining pieces. Eventually action gets back in the ring and Sly hits a nasty looking spinebuster on Holly, who falls on a garbage can. Sly can only get a 2 count. Sly rolls outside and grabs a table. He slides it in the ring and sets it up. I don’t see this ending well for Sly. The second he turns around, Holly hits Sly with the Alabama Slam (note the missing MA) for the pinfall. The winner via pinfall is Hardcore Holly.

Backstage: Eddie is taping his wrists and Dave walks in. Eddie is downtrodden because seeing what happened to Rey brought him back to a bad place. Eddie thanks Dave for giving him a 2nd chance. Eddie is also laying it on real thick, and I can’t wait for the eventual snapshow. Worth noting here is an excellent exchange where Eddie claims to have had a tear in his eye and Dave says “I didn’t see a tear” to which Eddie replies “Okay I lied, I can’t get anything past you” to which Dave replies “No…No you can’t” Subtlety is Dave’s forte folks.

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Randall is making his way to the ring wearing the rKo t-shirt, which according to an email I received was totally ripped off of a fan’s sign. I even saw the picture attached from the sign, and Vince and Co should send the guy a royalty cheque, but in the meantime, Vince will probably send lawyers to the guy’s house to ransack it and destroy all evidence.

I also found out this week that Batista’s new music is done by Saliva, who I believe are owned exclusively by Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Well let’s get down to business. I got some sleeping to do folks. Work in the morning you know. Wait a minute….Randall tricked us. He has a partner afterall….and I couldn’t be happier. It’s Mr. Kenneth Kennedy.

Kennedy and Eddie start off. Eddie takes control and climbs to the top rope. Kennedy has it scouted and climbs up to hit the inverted top rope rolling samoan drop, but Eddie gouges his eyes and tosses him off the top. Kennedy rolls to the floor and we’re out to pay some bills.

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Batista and Orton are in the ring now and Dave throws Randy into a corner. Randy takes control and kicks away at Dave’s chest. Dave powers his way up and take the control back with a body tackle and a suplex. Dave tags in Eddie, who goes to work with a series of forearms. Orton tags Kennedy, but he’s met with a kick and an attempt at the 3 amigo suplexes. Randy sneak attacks Eddie while Kennedy distracts the referee. Kennedy and Randy execute a series of quick tags. Kennedy applies a side headlock, but Eddie hits a side suplex to get out. Kennedy tags Orton who applies the awesome sleeper, which I will herein call the “Ratings Killer”. Eddie elbows his way out and Orton and Eddie knock heads. Both men are down. Eddie tags Dave, who is a “House of Fire” Dave and Eddie powder out to the floor, where Kennedy rams Eddie’s back into the steel post and grabs a steel chair. Cowboy Bob makes his way to the ring and inside, Randy poked Dave in the eye. Randy tries an RKO, but it’s blocked and instead Dave hits Randy with a clothesline and tries a pinfall. Kennedy climbs to the top rope with the chair, but Eddie climbs on top of Dave to protect him from the chairshot. Kennedy is all “Oh fuck it” and waffles Eddie with the chair, to my absolute delight. The winners by DQ, Eddie Guerrero and Batista.

After the Match: The Ortons and Kennedy attack Dave and Randy hits Dave with an RKO. Kennedy and Randy shake hands, but Teddy Long is out and announces a 6 man tag match for next week. The Ortons and Kennedy vs. Eddie/Dave/Roddy Piper.

Well folks, that seems to be it for this week, and aside from Chris Benoit almost killing himself and Kennedy hitting Eddie with the chair, this was a fairly lackluster episode. Is it just me, or does every Smackdown seem exactly the same these days? Either way, I’m out for another week, and in case you’re all wondering, I’m rooting for the Astros because Bagwell and Biggio deserve it and no one can convince me otherwise. Later kids, keep fit and have fun.