Opening credits. Tonight we’re taped in San Francisco, Californ-i-a.

No pyro this week. It must be an action packed show.

Christian has something to say and he’s waited since Monday to say it. Before he can say a thing, the awesome Booyaka 619 plays and Rey Mysterio makes his way to the ring. He won’t be satisfied until he gets voted into the Taboo Tuesday match. Christian again tries to get his point across, but wait. Here comes Matthew Hardy. Hardy shares a recipe for his delicious chicken fried steaks from JR’s cookbook…no wait, he didn’t. He came out to say that he won’t be satisfied until he gets voted into the Taboo Tuesday match.

Oh yay!!! Here comes Hardcore Holly, and they’re giving him a mic? Holly seemed about as comfortable on the microphone as some of the DJs at our local radio station, which is to say, not very. For example Holly says and I quote: “But the question I have…How bad to you want to see them get a beating that leaves them so unrecognizable?” Go on Robert…finish your simile. Oh, you…you were done? Wow Bob that really sucked. Bob continues his nonsensical mic work by saying “Edge and Masters can get a small beating (points to Mysterio), a medium sized beating (points to Hardy) or one heck of a hardcore beating. So remember folks, the next time you’re at McDonald’s order the “Hardcore sized coke” they’ll understand.

Thank the baby Jesus, JBL is out use the mic the way it was intended. JBL proceeds to rip everyone in the ring about why they are terrible choices for Taboo Tuesday. His insults were mediocre at best, but following Holly, he looked like the king of the roast. Although the “If Masters was any smarter, he’d be a complete moron” line was tickling to the funny bone.

Finally, here comes Theodore R. Long, and he announces a 5 man Free for All match. You know this really doesn’t bode well for me doing play by play. I may just skim over it briefly, as I like to do. But before we get to that, it’s time for some

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We’re back and the match has just started with all 4 guys taking out JBL. Hardy and Mysterio start out beating on Christian in the ring while JBL and Holly spill to the floor. Hardy and Rey hit Christian with a poetry in motion. JBL is in the ring and attacking Rey. JBL tries a power bomb, but WWE Bylaw 61a says “All power bombs on cruiserweights will be counters by a hurricurrana” This one is no exception. Hardy and Holly then battle in the ring, until JBL comes in and takes control.

JBL punches and picks Rey and Holly at the same time until Holly counters an Irish Whip and connects with the “best dropkick in the business” I disagree, but who am I to argue with Michael Cole? Okay, now it’s time for the neat spot of the week. Mysterio and Hardy set Christian for a double superplex and while they are there, in comes JBL and Holly to power bomb both Rey and Holly. So as they deliver the power bombs, Rey and Hardy superplex Christian. Now I had better get the name correct, or some tool is going to email me and cuss me out, so for that one idiot. I believe this was called an “Electric Chair.” Are you happy now?

Anyway, there are 3 guys down and JBL/Holly are up, until JBL kicks Holly in the face. JBL tries another powerbomb, but Holly counters with the Alabama Slam. Hardy gets tossed to the floor by Christian, who tries to hit Rey with an unprittier, but it gets countered into a head scissors, in what was also a cool little stunt. Rey then hits a 619 on Christian, and tries a West Coast Pop on Holly, but Holly moves and JBL charges Rey, who ducks and JBL hits Holly with a clothesline from Hell. Matt Hardy is then in to hit JBL with a Twist of Fate, but as Matt turns around, Christian hits him with an unprettier. Rey then hits Christian with a hurricurrana into a roll up for the win. The winner via pinfall, Rey Mysterio.

Backstage: Booker and Sharmell are outside Teddy’s office and they hypothesize why Teddy has asked to talk to them. Sharmell knows why, but she’s not talking. Now I have a small logical issue here. I mean, if I won the US Title, and it was taped, I would have probably watched my match. But I digress.

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Backstage: Sharmell and Booker are in Teddy’s office and he shows a rather long piece, which really could have been done in 8 seconds, by showing the sac punch, but who am I to judge. Booker tells Sharmell to shut it and he’s going to the ring to give Benoit a rematch, and Sharmell is going to apologize.

Backstage #2: Roddy Piper is walking and he meets up with Bob Orton. Piper goes into a neat little riff about how he wrestled Bob Orton Sr. and he was big, tough and smart. Then Piper says he wrestled Bob Orton and he was big and tough. As if on cue, here’s comes Orton the 3rd. Randall reminds Piper what he does to legends, but Piper isn’t interested in that and says “You know, the next generation will be walking on all fours.” Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mr. Piper. That man can cut a promo like it’s nobody’s business. Give him the world title. You think I’m crazy? Who would you rather see every week on tv, Piper or Cena? That’s what I thought.

Backstage #3: Simon Dean is riding his little scooter thingy when he is stopped by an ewok from the planet Endor. (I’ve never seen Star Wars, so if that’s wrong, blame the Chewbacca Defense). In a total waste of tv time, the gang of little dudes make Simon crash his bike….ooh, hilarity at its finest people.

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A promo for the death of the Undertaker, but wait there’s a twist. He’s still not dead, but he actually is because he’s the deadman…I’m confused.

Hey, Network Guy is in the ring and does he have a treat for us. The Juniors are going to have a match. Hooray for us. But wait, in a special Hosehead twist, I’m not giving Vincent K. McMahon the pleasure of reading my kickass review, but instead I will replace it with a blank space where that review should go. Because if you want to know, I made myself a sandwich during this match.

Note the nothingness Vince. How about you actually use your TV time here to, oh I don’t know show off some guys like Kid Kash and Paul London? Oh that would require putting cruiserweights on TV, and apparently any cruiserweight OVER 130 pounds is dead to you. Well Vince, you’re a bastard. An unfunny bastard at that. (You know what I’m talking about)

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And we’re BACK! Booker T and his lovely wife Sharmell make their way to the ring, and Booker needs to have a word with one Chris Benoit. Benoit makes his way to the ring and away we go. Booker says that Benoit is a great friend and he demands that Sharmell apologize. Sharmell, being the bitch that she is does a quick “I’m sorry Chris”. But wait there’s more she’s sorry for. She’s sorry that she married a loser like Booker T, as she slaps him in the mouth and walks off. Oh and Chris, she’s also sorry about that, as she points to Booker, who OMG~! Heel Turn (Am I allowed to do that?), clubs Benoit with the US title, leaving him a bloody mess. So finally, Sharmell is a heel, and maybe now she’ll stop being a whiny loudmouth. Not the good kind of loud mouth like Mr.Kennedy. I guess this means the US title may actually be useful again. What a novel concept.

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Right off the top, an untouched WWE bylaw to get out of the way. WWE Bylaw #92p says that anyone wearing new trunks will win the match. Now that’s not referring to a different color. That is full blown new trunks. So if you notice, MNM has gone to a fashionable baby blue ensemble.

Hosehead Note: Folks it’s now October 31 and SD was 4-5 days ago. My computer did a bit of a freakout and everything from here in was lost in some sort of autosave screw up. I apologize and I guarantee the best precap of Smackdown that I can deliver this Thursday. Until then, I can only give you a review in point form. Again, I apologize and things are completely fixed now.