got back to Utah on Tuesday, by which time it was pointless to write a recap (especially since the show sucked).

But now I am home, where I am the master of my own DVR, and I'm fighting through a wicked awful cold and some work emergencies to get this recap done for my faithful readership, which apparently stretches well into double digits. Let's get on with the show.

Smackdown theme and pyro, I think, and we are coming to you from Rey Mysterio's hometown of San Diego, California .

Last week: JBL tricked Rey into saying he'd fight anyone (although, as I would have pointed out if I had written a recap last week, Rey's “Hold on, I'll fight anyone, anywhere” was out of left field and in response to absolutely nothing JBL had actually said). JBL made a match for Rey against Mark Henry, who beat Mysterio and then considered killing him, only to be stopped by JBL.

Tonight: Rey's match will be with The Great Khalil Greene. I can't believe they made this match a week in advance -- that's basically just BEGGING people to come up with some excuse to not watch.

When in San Diego, do as the racists

JBL is down in the ring with a mic, and you can guess what he did with it. There's a whole lot of stuff about Mexicans, etc., and then JBL points out that he took belts from Eddie and Benoit, and at Judgment Day, he will take a belt from the Third Amigo. He offers to let Rey and his family work for him, though, so it should be okay. Rey finally gets tired of it, and he comes to the ring and jumps JBL from behind. He lands a bunch of punches and a couple strategic kicks to the nuttal region, and JBL runs away.

Later tonight: Finlay vs. Lashley in a King of the Ring semi-final match.

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Kid Kash vs. Nunzio vs. SuperCrazy (Triple Threat #1 Contender Match)

The winner of this match will face Gregory Helms, who is sitting at ringside, for the Cruiserweight Title at Judgment Day. The match starts out crazy fast, and it never slows down, which is good, because it doesn't get nearly the time it deserves. Within a minute, each guy has scored at least one two-count. SuperCrazy eventually takes control, dominating both guys and countering all their attempts to slow him down.

Crazy ends up on the top turnbuckle with Kash, setting him up for a superplex. Nunzio comes from behind and sticks his head between Crazy's legs, getting him in position for an electric chair. Then plans change, as Kash goes up to hit something like the Doomsday Device, but when Kash jumps, Crazy rolls, which accomplishes two things: 1) it makes Kash miss, so he crashes and burns; and 2) it allows Crazy to roll Nunzio up into a pinning predicament, where he gets the three count.

Your winner: SuperCrazy (4:35).As usual, this match was criminally short. Bonus points for actually finishing the match this week, with no sign of Khali (sorry, I just can't refer to him as “Great” more than once in a recap). But while it was great while it lasted, I wouldn't have minded seeing another four or five minutes, especially when we can easily isolate those minutes from a couple squashes later on.

Backstage: Kurt Angle is in the arena, and while he's dressed in a suit, he's carrying his wrestling gear.

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Backstage: Angle and Teddy are yelling at each other, and we gather than Angle is unhappy. Angle wants Mark Henry tonight, but Teddy is refusing because Angle has not been medically cleared. Teddy does the next best thing, though, and makes the match for Judgment Day.

Gymini vs. Mike Wellington & Joey Ryan

Here's the first squash that lasted way too long. It was a lot like the Umaga match on Raw -- everyone knew who was going to win, but they wasted too much time letting it happen. So anyway, Wellington and Ryan got in a grand total of zero offense, and then they lost.

Your winners: Gymini (3:12).There's two minutes you could have added to the cruiserweight match. And now that I think of it, if JBL had cut out the racist jokes he repeated in his opening promo, we could have easily trimmed a minute or two off that, too.

Backstage: Kurt Angle is leaving the arena.

Video Package: See No Evil world premiere. Woohoo~!

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Last week: Finlay beat Benoit with the help of a chair.

Booker T vs. The Invisible Man

Booker and Sharmell come down to the ring, and much to my delight, Booker has the mic, not his lovely screechy wife. Booker says he doesn't believe in forfeits, so he is going to give Angle one more chance to have their semi-final match. Booker gives Angle a ten count, and Michael Cole points out that Booker knows Angle has left the arena. Needless to say, Angle doesn't show up by the count of ten, and then things get ugly. That's right: Sharmell grabs the mic. She declares Booker the winner, and I declare her a prime candidate for cut-your-tongue-out surgery.

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Finlay vs. Lashley (Semi-final King of the Ring match)

The match starts with some tests of strength, but Lashley quickly bores of that and takes Finlay down with some lightning fast wrestling. The rest of the match kind of followed an Ortonesque pattern: when Lashley was in control, the match was brisk and exciting; when Finlay was in control, it was chinlock-tastic. Cole still somehow managed to slip in the line, “There are no breathers in WWE,” and while there are certainly FEWER breathers in WWE since Orton got suspended, the cruiserweight match might have been a less funny time for Cole to make this point.

Booker and Sharmell come to the top of the ramp, where Booker sits in the throne to watch the match. As Finlay uses the ring apron to trap Lashley's leg and gain an advantage, we go to...

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When we get back, Finlay is still in control, this time mixing things up with an armbar. Lashley quickly powers out and goes for a spear, but Finlay nails Lashley in the head with a knee. Finlay goes for a chair, which referee Nick Patrick takes away. While Patrick is distracted with the chair, Finlay grabs his shillelagh to use as a weapon, but Patrick spots that, too. The third time is a charm, though, and as Patrick removes the shillelagh from the ring, Finlay re-acquires the chair, which he uses to bash Lashley in the back. This didn't quite have the desired effect, though, as it apparently just served to piss Lashley off. He immediately hit a spear and got the pin.

Your winner: Bobby Lashley (16:22).This match didn't have the intensity that some of their previous encounters have had, but it wasn't bad. Lashley put on an impressive display of both strength and speed, and the right man won.

After the match: Lashley celebrates, and Booker doesn't look too happy. Lashley grabs a mic and tells Booker he's in his chair.

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I See London, I See France Theater

MNM hit the ring with mics, and all three let us know that London and Kendrick got what they deserved last week. Jillian interrupts Melina, who informs Jillian that she looked better with the growth on her face. Jillian is upset, but she's really just a distraction, because London and Kendrick come from the crowd to jump M&N from behind. Jillian hits the ring to help with Melina, and all three heels end up with their pants around their ankles.

Backstage: Mark Henry is fat.

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Mark Henry vs. Paul Burchill

Here's the second squash. I don't know why they picked Burchill, who has been on a roll, for this match, but it doesn't matter. Fatty lays the smack down for three minutes, then grabs a mic and tells Angle he's next. Then he hits is powerslam and pins Burchill.

Your winner: Mark Henry (3:35).Yeah, you could (should) have cut two minutes off this match, too. Henry may be slow, but even he can hit one wrestling move in a minute. And every second that Henry isn't on my TV screen is a happy second for me.

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Next week: Tatanka will do something. I have skipped these commercials for three weeks now, so I really have no idea what's going on, but it involves Tatanka, which means it is ten years too late.

Backstage: Nunzio and Vito are discussing their lady-related plans for the evening. After Vito walks away, Orlando Jordan tells Nunzio that he's pretty sure he saw Vito in drag at a club when they were in England . No questions about what OJ was doing in a drag club, just indignance from Nunzio on behalf of his totally straight friend.

Judgment Day preview: lots of matches that I don't want to see. They have done a remarkable job of taking the guys I like (Taker, Rey, Angle) and putting them in matches with guys I don't care to watch. The Rey/JBL match has potential to be good, but it also has potential to be boring, and it DEFINITELY doesn't have what it takes to make up for the presense of Mark Henry and The Lousy Khali on the card.

JBL wants to watch commercial with Tazz

JBL comes to ringside for the main event, but he's just in time for...

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Rey Mysterio vs. The Lousy Khali

I thought WWE might have something exciting in store. I just couldn't see them having Rey get squashed in his hometown. Alas, I lack imagination. The pre-match stuff was exciting, as Rey continued his earlier assault on JBL by jumping up on the announce table and hitting a seated senton onto JBL in his chair. But then Khali showed up, and it got boring. Once again, we can recap every single move in the match: staredown, Khali throws Rey out of the ring, Rey comes back, headbutt knocks him back out of the ring, JBL punches Rey and throws him back in the ring, Khali boots Rey in the head, two-handed chokeslam, pin. Wow, all in one sentence!

Your winner: The Lousy Khali (3:29).Yes, you are correct, your world champion just got squashed in about the same time it took Gymini to beat Mike Wellington and Joey Ryan. No excitement, no hope spots, nothing. Just Rey getting squashed. If Rey loses to JBL at Judgment Day, this will go down as the most disastrous title reign in WWE history. I mean, making Rey the underdog is one thing; making it look like he can't beat anyone is another.

After the match: JBL grabs a mic and taunts Rey, promising another opponent next week. I don't know who JBL has in mind, but next week's show IS on May 19, so I wouldn't be surprised to see Kane show up.

[Analysis: This show was not good. I am glad that Lashley and Booker will face each other in the finals of the King of the Ring tournament, but we pretty much figured that out when they clashed before the tourney even started, didn't we? Other than confirming what we already knew, we didn't get much in this show. Sure, we will get to see if SuperCrazy can be any more successful at getting an exciting match out of Gregory Helms than some others have been, but that's it. Nothing that makes me want to pay money for Judgment Day. Not even anything that makes me excited for next Friday. That's good business, WWE!]