was the situation that Kurkjian described. If you want details of my findings, check it out here.

Well, Smackdown had a lackluster PPV just five days ago, but it would have been a great episode of Smackdown, so let's see if they can do it again.

Video Package: Judgment Day recap.

No Theme or Pyro, but we have JBL in the ring wit a mic. He says we witnessed the greatest travesty of all time at Judgment Day: Rey Mysterio retained his title. JBL appeals to Rey's machismo again, challenging him to a rematch right here, right now, as Jesus Jones would say. Rey comes down to some new music, presumably from the new WWE CD, and I have to say it is another step down. I miss “Who's that jumpin' out the sky, R-E-Y.”

Anyway, Rey informs JBL that he already kept his word, he took on all comers, including Bradshaw himself at Judgment Day -- “and I beat you!” Rey wonders aloud why JBL isn't defending his U.S. Title the way Rey is defending his World Title. JBL walks into the trap and says he will take on all comers, because he is a great American. This, of course, gives Rey an idea, and he introduces JBL's opponent for tonight: Bobby Lashley.

As Lashley makes his way down to the ring, referee Jimmy Korderas sprints to the ring and says something to The Returning Tony Chimel. Tazz speculates that the match isn't really going to happen, but Chimel announces that this match is for the U.S. Championshiop. Ring announcements, and it is on.

JBL vs. Lashley ( U.S. Title match)

JBL looks afeared, until he thumbs Lashley in the eye. Lashley sells this, but the head to the turnbuckle just seems to upset him, and he bodyslams JBL. JBL takes control back with a boot off the Irish Whip. He hits another boot in the corner, which he tries to follow up with a Clothesline from Hell. Lashley ducks this, hits the ropes, and flies off with a spear. Cover, 1-2-3. Wow.

Your winner: Bobby Lashley (1:20).Very interesting. It's tough to tell where they are going with this. Is this a push for Lashley? Or just taking the U.S. Title off JBL so he can focus on the main event? Or both? I don't know. But I DO know that it was strangely satisfying to see JBL lose in such a fashion.

After the match: Lashley celebrates in the ring with his new belt, and JBL can't believe what just happened.

Ads

Moments Ago: Duh.

Backstage: JBL is yelling at Teddy Long, saying that Rey had no right to make that match. Teddy tells him to get over it, and he threatens to fire JBL like he fired MNM if he doesn't lay off. JBL demands a match with Rey, and says if he can't win, he will walk away. Teddy likes that idea, and he makes the match for tonight. If JBL doesn't win the title tonight, he has to quit Smackdown.

Tatanka vs. my attention span -- I mean, Simon Dean

I kid you not, this is the match. I am typing this as I watch it, so I could totally do a play-by-play, except that I just don't care. Dean mocks Tatanka's heritage, which leads to another stretch of me not caring. Simon eventually tries to touch Tatanka's headdress, which unfortunately isn't a euphemism. Tatanka hits some move that I think rhymes with Ikea, and the match is over.

Your winner: Tatanka (3:06).No offense to anyone involved, but who the freak cares about Tatanka or Simon Dean? At least it was only three minutes.

Backstage:Teddy Long and Matt Hardy are interrupted by Paul Heyman. Hardy leaves, and Heyman hints that he is interested in some of Teddy's talent. Teddy's tells him to take his talent-sniffer elsewhere.

Ads

Video Package: See No Evil and stuff.

Live “Musical” Guests: Three 6 Mafia

Apparently this song they are singing is from the new WWE CD. Woohoo. Oh, and apparently it is Mark Henry's new theme music. I am SOOOO glad that they have given this piece of trash new music. Nothing makes me happier than to see money wasted on 400 pounds of worthlessness. I bet Droz loves the fact that the chorus of this song is “Beat him up, beat him up, break his neck, break his neck.”

Finally, they are done, and Chris Benoit's music hits.

Chris Benoit vs. Mark Henry (Very special writing-Benoit-out match)

As Benoit gets to the ring, Cole informs us that JBL has accepted the match for tonight against ReyRey. Anyone who thinks I am going to recap a Mark Henry match doesn't know me too well. Benoit goes for the crossface a couple times, lots of chops, etc. Several dropkicks take Henry out of the ring, and despite the fact that no Mark Henry match should be long enough to span a commercial break, we go to...

Ads

When we get back, Benoit is still in control, but then Henry gets all fat on him. I just don't understand the concept of putting valuable, fragile guys like Angle and Benoit in the ring with Mark Henry.

Benoit moves out of the way of a splash and goes for the crossface, but Fatty gets to the ropes. Another attempt, and Henyr powers out. One more try, and it is locked in, but Henry rolls Benoit into the ropes. Both men outside the ring, and Henry hits the ringpost splash a couple times. The slow-motion-ness of it all is amplified by the utter silence of the crowd. They just don't care.

Your winner: Chris Benoit by DQ (12:24).I assume Benoit won, anyway, although we don't get an announcement because Henry is busy splashing Benout into the ringpost. Whatever.

After the match:The crowd gets a “You suck” chant going, and I think they mean it. They don't mean “We don't like you,” they mean “You suck.” Henry locks in a rope-assisted Camel Clutch, blah blah blah. Seriously, this is supposed to be an outrage and a huge deal, and it is falling absolutely flat.

Ads

Moments Ago: I didn't care.

The Booker Coronation

Chimel announces William Regal as the host of the coronation ceremony. Regal introduces Booker and Sharmell. As long as Sharmell doesn't announce anything, I am fine.

Booker and Sharmell roll down to the ring on some parade float. Cole uses the word “coronated,” but I am pretty sure he meant “crowned.” Regal goes through his routine, and then, unfortunately, Sharmell gets a microphone. Blah blah blah, I am not recapping a coronation anymore. If someone interrupts, I'll let you know. Otherwise, just assume it was boring. Literally, I almost fell asleep. No interruptions.

Ads

Backstage:Nunzio and Vito talk about their upcoming match against the tag team champs. Well, Nunzio talks and Vito acts distrated.

London and Kendrick vs. Nunzio and Vito (non-title)

Apparently this is a non-title match, but if Nunzio and Vito can win, they will earn a title shot. Kendrick and Nunzio start, with Kendrick in control. Quick tag to London, and they do a little tag team offense. When the ref is distracted getting Kendrick out of the ring, Vito takes advantage and knocks London down. Nunzio tags Vito in, and he dominates for a bit until London hits a side suplex. Vito stops London from getting the tag, and Nunzio tags in. Nunzio rolls London up, but when London kicks out, Nunzio flies out of the ring. This gives London the time he needs, as he gets the tag to Kendrick just before Nunzio can stop him. Kendrick hits a springboard missile dropkick on Nunzio, then heelkicks to both guys. Tag team offense for a bit, which loses a little impact when what was supposed to be both guys dropkicking Vito in the back turns into Kendrick completely whiffing and London barely grazing a shoulder. Vito sells it anyway and falls out of the ring, and Kendrick hits a pretty sweet move. I'll try to describe it. He grabs Nunzio's head like he's going for a Stunner, then he runs to the ropes, jumps off the second rope, and does a backflip, all while holding onto Nunzio's head. The end effect is like a bulldog, except it is the back of Nunzio's head hitting the mat. Anyway, that gets the three count.

Your winners: London and Kendrick (3:03).Fun little fast-paced match, some cool moves in there, but -- say it with me -- criminally short.

Raw Rebound:I'd much rather recap a recap than a Mark Henry match, but oh well.

Ads

Video Package:Mr. Kennedy is coming back, but they didn't tell us when.

Judgment Day recap hype:Undertaker was dismantled, manhandled, and destroyed.

Backstage:Chavo is giving Rey a motivational speech. He volunteers to be in Rey's corner for the title match. “If I have it my way, JBL will not win the title tonight.” I don't remember now if the stipulation is that JBL has to quit if he doesn't win the title, or if he doesn't win the match. If it's just the title, then I can see a BIG loophole based on what Chavo just said, which would be Chavo interfering to cause a disqualification, thereby causing JBL to win the match but not the title. Just a thought. I guess we'll have to see.

Elsewhere Backstage:Finlay is walking~!

Ads

Finlay vs. Paul Burchill

I know Rick is full of man-love for Finlay, and I used to agree, but the last few weeks have, for me, been far too lacking in intensity and far to heavy on restholds. This match never had time for a resthold, though, because it was over almost a soon as it started. A couple punches and stuff, and then Finlay hit the Celtic Cross for the pin.

Your Winner: Finlay (1:19).Apparently this is squash night.

After the match:Finlay teases an attack on Burchill with the shillelagh, but instead he pulls a leprechaun out from under the ring and lets him attack. When they are done, Finlay sends the leprechaun back under the ring. Very weird.

Video package:More See No Evil hype.

Ads

The Diva Search is back!Cole: “Maybe you can be the next Kristal or Candice or Ashley!”

Earlier tonight:Lashley beat JBL. During this video, Cole says JBL has to quit if he loses the match, not the title.

JBL vs. Rey Mysterio w. Chavo (World Heavyweight Title match)

During ring announcements, Chimel says, “If JBL is unsuccessful in this match, he will have to leave Smackdown.” That is somewhat vague, but it sounds like the DQ loophole is in effect.

Rey comes down to his COPS music, so I guess he's like HHH now, different entrance music when he is fighting than when he is just talking. Of course, HHH has two pretty sweet songs, while Rey has one acceptable one and one terrible one. Oh well.

JBL attacks early, and the crowd starts an Eddie chant to fire Rey up. Chavo gets up on the apron, and JBL Irish Whips Rey into him, knocking Chavo to the floor and dazing Rey. JBL follows up with a Clothesline from Hell, and Rey gets his foot on the ropes before the three count. Referee Jimmy Korderas doesn't see the foot on the rope, so he count the three, but then, while JBL celebrates, Korderas realizes his mistake and restarts the match. And we go to...

Ads

When we get back, JBL is still in control, and the crowd is still chanting for Eddie. Rey gets a rop-toehold, tries to follow it up by going up to the top turnbuckle, but JBL intercepts him and hits a fallaway slam off the top. This gets a two count. Two big boots to the head, and a big clothesline outside the ring on the floor. JBL rolls Rey back in for the cover, and Rey kicks out at two again. Rey fights back, kicks to the legs and whatnot, but when Rey goes for a bulldog, JBL catches him and hangs him up on the ropes, then kicks him to the outside.

JBL beats on Rey outside for a while, including a shot to the steps. He rolls him back in, but again only gets a two count. For the next couple minutes, JBL beats on Rey for a while, then gets a two count, repeat. JBL eventually picks up Rey for another fallaway slam, but Rey reverses into a DDT, and both men are down.

Korderas starts his ten count, and both men are up at seven. Rey hits a kick to the head and a 619, but JBL reverses the seated senton into a spinebuster. This gets another two count. JBL then hits the Three Amigos, and gets up doing the Eddie shimmy. As the ref gives Rey a ten count, JBL struggles with the turnbuckle pad. Korderas catches him, and while he checks to make sure everything is okay, JBL throws Rey right into him. Ref down. When JBL tries to capitalize, Rey hits a headscissors, and JBL falls into 619 position again -- except this time, Korderas is between JBL and the ropes, so if Rey wants to hit the 619 on JBL, he will have to hit it on Korderas, too. Rey look conflicted. What's he gonna do??? He decides to pull JBL off of Korderas, and JBL turns and uppernuts him for his effort. JBL grabs a chair, but Chavo tries to stop him. JBL lays Chavo out with the chair, and there go my theories. JBL's in the ring with the chair, but Rey ducks the shot and delivers an uppernut of his own. Tornado DDT onto the steel chair, and the ref is coming around. Dropkick, 619, drop the dime, 1-2-3.

Your winner: Rey Mysterio (15:39).There was a lot of intrigue in this match, and I was a little bit surprised to see a clean finish, but not at all disappointed.

After the match:Rey celebrates a little, then goes to help Chavo to his feet. JBL looks disbelieving for the second time tonight. We see replays, the crowd serenades JBL with “Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye,” and we are out.

[Analysis: Well, I agree with some others that a strong main event can make up for a lousy show, and a weak main event can ruin an otherwise solid show. This show was an example of the former, I think. We had about twenty minutes if wrestling before the main event, and the majority of that was in a Mark Henry match, which is not a good thing. But after an exciting, solid main event, I was able to look back and see some other positives of the show. My biggest compliment for the show is that it felt a lot like a reset. Since Sunday, we have new tag champs, a new U.S. champ, and a World champ who has scored two relatively clean victories in the past week. A reset can be a scary thing, especially when it involves apparently removing Nitro, Melina, and JBL from the show. But Smackdown has been SOOOO bad recently that a reset can only help. And with Batista and Kennedy coming back, there is hope.

So yeah, this show wasn't amazing, but there were some good developments and a strong main event, so I am happier than I've been in a while.]