WWE Intro Video - I hear tell the power is back. This leads to a video package recapping the Mysterio/Henry business from last week, but here at OO the company line is we don’t recap recaps. SmackDown theme, opening pyro, and hey, no Miz! Maybe that ricockulous Diva Search is good for something after all. Your announcers are Michael Cole and JBL, and along with a nifty graphic, they tell us that later tonight we shall see Bobby Lashley vs. Booker T in a Steel Cage match for the United States title. JBL makes sure to mention that Lashley has never been in a cage match before, which will become a running theme as the night goes on.

Aww, crap… My big shot to recap for OO and the first man to hit the scene is Mark Henry. And he’s got a mic; let’s see what the big lug has to say. Last week he had Mysterio right where he wanted him, he should be champion today. “I had him whipped, I had him beat, I had him crawling at my feet.” Mark Henry the poet? But then Chavo got involved, and that makes Mark Henry ANGRY! He runs down his list of victims taking a few creative liberties with history- Batista injured, Angle run off to ECW, Benoit gone for good, and Taker will never be the same. Rey and Chavo, Mr. Henry assures us, have no idea what they’ve started. Henry thinks that Chavo is a parasite sucking off the Guerrero name, and in a striking bit of logic, he goes on to add that all Guerreros are parasites. (JBL: “That’s true, I know all of them.”)

Enter Chavo Guerrero with mic. He thinks Mark Henry might need anger management, but is still impressed by the little speech. Then again, Henry did have all week to practice after Rey Mysterio beat him! BURN, Chavo. Chavo knows what Henry is doing, he’s trying to get Chavo mad enough to come out of retirement for a match, but Chavo is just too smart to fall for that, and the Guerrero name is bulletproof. That is, of course, until Mark Henry says that he spits on Chavo, spits on the Guerrero name, and if Eddie was alive he’d spit on him too. Then all that smarts flies out the window and Chavo charges down to the ring. A brief brawl sees Chavo take the World’s Strongest Slam and a second rope splash. Henry goes for another splash, but Rey sprints down to the ring, pushes Chavo out of the way and takes the bullet for him. Henry tosses Rey out of the ring, slams his back into the ring apron, then smashes Rey’s head into the ringpost with a kick. Henry tosses Rey into the ring, pulls Chavo out, and smashes his back into the ringpost twice. Back in the ring Henry props Rey up in the corner, then puts Chavo in the torture rack. Chavo screams for Rey, but the champ is totally out. Henry tosses Chavo down, makes his exit, and officials rush to the ring to check on Rey and Chavo. And that means it’s a good time for our first…

Moments Ago… you read the last paragraph of my recap. And if you want to know what happened next on SmackDown, read it again, only this time just skim over it. Announcers are really pushing the idea that no one can stop Henry, although Cole hopes that Batista will be able to do it. JBL doesn’t think there’s anyway.

Helms enters first because, hey, screw tradition. Super Crazy is out, and it’s on. Crazy with a double leg, and briefly works on the knee till Helms makes it to the ropes. Tie up, Super Crazy in control, he sends Helms out of the ring, then lands a slingshot plancha. Crazy tosses the champ back into the ring, then gooses the crowd into a Super Crazy chant. Crazy up to the top rope, but he took too much time, and Helms meets him, guillotining him onto the top rope. Helms in control for a little generic brawling, then he locks in a sleeper variant so Super Crazy can power out, and Crazy is happy to oblige. Crazy with a flying headscissors, then a pair of tilt-a-whirl backbreakers and a spinning heel kick that’s good for a 2 count. Crazy with a charge, but Helms counters with a sky high powerbomb for another near fall. Helms sets Crazy on the top rope, but Crazy fights him off, lands a missile dropkick, then follows with a standing moonsault for 2 and a half. Super Crazy is tying Helms up in that whacky submission of his when Psychosis charges out, he guns for Crazy, but Crazy pulls Helms into a heel kick, and that’s the end of that. Match was about 5 minutes.

But though the match is over, the fight is not. Crazy and Psychosis brawl around the ring, with Crazy getting the best of it and sending Psychosis packing. Play his music, because he lost! In the background the ref raising Helms’ hand is just barely visible.

Backstage King Booker and Queen Sharmell are in Teddy Long’s office. And they are not happy. How dare Teddy book Booker into a cage match? You put prisoners in cages, you put stray dogs in cages, you put hoboes in cages (ouch, Booker), not kings! Booker demands the match be canceled. Teddy thinks Booker should be happy that he’s getting a shot at the US title, but if Booker’s not, Teddy doesn’t give a damn, the match happens, and that’s final. Booker switches attitudes and says that’s fine, that’s great, because Lashley has no idea what he’s in for. Lashley has never been in a cage match, and Booker has. Booker makes an odd reference to the movie Gladiator, then declares that he’s going to take the US title, end Lashley’s career, and it’s all on Teddy’s head. And now would be about the right spot for our next…

Batista returns next week.

The Pitbull’s opponents not only don’t get an entrance, they aren’t named. Based on that I think I can predict with full confidence that team Some Guys is going to beat the Pitbulls decidedly! Tag Team Gold is in their future, baby! During their entrance the Pitbulls get a little video in a box in the corner where they tell us they’re going to show us why they’re called the Pitbulls. Well, that’s good, because if anyone blinked, they might have missed that development. The Pitbulls are aggressive and in control, and dominate with double teams and frequent tags. Some Guy #1 tries to fire up, but fails miserably. JBL: “These are 2 warm blooded American men.” Michael Cole questions this turn of phrase, and so do I. Some Guy #1 dodges a charge from Kid Kash, gets a boot up in the corner, then makes the tag to Some Guy #2. Apparently his name is Marty Garner, and JBL is totally hung up on mocking the guy’s pants. It’s all he can talk about. Jeeze, JBL, the pants suck, but not that badly. Marty gets a brief bit of offense, but then he’s pulled off the top rope, and more double teaming ensues. Some Guy #1 tries to get back in, but is quickly put down. Finish sees the Pitbulls hit Marty with a Powerbomb Doomsday Device (Kash on the top rope, Noble with a powerbomb, at the apex of the powerbomb Kash jumps off with a flying clothesline) And that’s more than enough for the pin. Only about 4 minutes long, but the Pitbulls looked pretty good, and that was the goal.

Diva Search Crap - but just like the Rick, I benefit from DVR technology, and trust that you fine readers won’t mind that I fast forwarded right past this. I caught the very end of Ashley being interviewed by Krystal, seems Krystal is miffed because she lost the last Diva Search. Scintillating television.

Bobby Lashley is backstage in a suit with the US title on his shoulder. Cole asks him if Booker T has the advantage because Lashley has never been in a cage match. Lashley says that Booker might be the favorite, but tonight the King doesn’t have his court to help him, Lashley is coming in as the champ, and leaving as the champ.

Matt Hardy vs. ad break - the Little Bastard makes an appearance before the ads.

They show highlights of Finlay and Hardy’s first match as Finlay makes his entrance. Lock up, and Finlay is in control. The crowd with a Hardy chant to try to help Matt out as Finlay continues with the smash mouth offense. Finlay makes the mistake of talking some trash, and Hardy starts to fight back. Finlay begs off, claiming he has something in his eye, and getting the ref to look at it. Finlay tries to use this as a distraction for a cheap shot, but Hardy sees it coming and out punches him. Finlay with an inverted atomic drop, then he goes up top, but Matt gets his boot up connecting with Finlay’s chin, and the fighting Irishman falls to the outside. Matt apparently didn’t learn anything from their last match, as he goes for a baseball slide and is once again caught in the ring apron. After some punching, Finlay throws Hardy back into the ring and covers for 2. Finlay with a sleeper, and Hardy fires up, getting a clothesline and a bulldog for a 2 count. Finlay fights back, and with Hardy momentarily down and the ref checking on him, Finlay removes the padding from a turnbuckle. But when he looks to grab Hardy, Matt hits him with the Side Effect for another near fall. Hardy goes up top, Finlay tries to cut him off, but Matt punches him down and hits a second rope legdrop. Matt’s looking for the Twist of Fate, but Finlay pushes him off, Finlay goes for a charge, but Matt backdrops him out of the ring. From the floor the Little Bastard grabs Finlay and drags him under the ring. Hardy goes to look for them and the Little Bastard boots him in the face. Finlay takes advantage of the shot, and the Little Bastard tosses JBL a Guinness. Finlay goes for the shillelagh, but Matt stops him and grabs it himself. The ref pulls it away from Hardy, and that’s all the distraction Finlay needs to drop Matt face first onto the exposed turnbuckle. One Celtic Cross later, and it’s all over, about 7 minutes.

Crap about Miz on Fear Factor - You bet your ass that’s getting fast forwarded.

Kennedy tells the crowd that if they’re thinking of singing along, don’t. He then directs their attention to Gunner Somebody, who’s about to get his guts stamped out by MISTEEEERRRRR…. KENNNNEEEDDDYYYY… KENNEDY!

Match starts with a tie up, and trading wristlocks. Kennedy breaks that up with a thumb to the eye and takes command, brawling Gunner Scott down. Kennedy with a slam, and he heads for the top rope, but Gunner gets a boot up, but Kennedy catches it and goes for an elbow drop, but Gunner rolls out of the way, then blocks an attempted turnbuckle shot, punches away, and hits a clothesline. But Mister Kennedy blocks a whip, slams Gunner to the mat, goes up top, and lands the senton bomb. That’s all she wrote, all of 3 whole minutes long. I’m a little disappointed, both of these guys deserve more time than that.

Mister Kennedy wants to announce his own victory, but only gets halfway through before the Great Khali enters. Davairi is with him, and is that a body bag he’s got on his shoulder? Kennedy hightails it, and Khali hits Gunner Scott with a chokebomb. He calls up Davairi, and yup, that’s a body bag. Davairi puts Gunner in it, and I guess we have our stip for the next Taker vs. Khali match. Davairi gets on the mic and challenges Undertaker for Great American Bash to a match never before seen in America, a Punjabi Prison Match. Great Khali does the Taker pose, lights and everything, and it’s time for an…

Raw Rebound - And I still don’t recap recaps. Not even in my tryout recap.

Damnit, the Miz - He’s on hype duty for the main event, really harping on the viciousness and intensity of the steel cage. Hoorah.

Earlier Today - Vito in a dress took a trip to a local department store. The locals gave him funny looks as he shopped for more dresses.

Simon Dean is put off by the dress, so Vito shows off his leg. Dean is grossed out, and Vito shows off his chest, then rubs himself, then proceeds to beat Dean down. Dean dodges a splash. Whatever Vito has on under his dress, they’re blurring it out and making a big deal out of it. Apparently a program that routinely shows men in skimpy tights can’t show a man in panties. Dean with an offensive, stopping to cover up Vito’s knickers. Vito battles back, but Dean counters a sunset flip attempt with a double stomp. Dean with a reluctant cover for 2, then a neck vise. Vito fires up and hits a side Russian legsweep. Cole informs us that Vito’s underwear matches his dress. Thanks, Cole, I was really curious about that. Vito’s on a tear with a suplex and a top rope elbow drop. He pulls up his dress, covers Dean’s head with it, and applies an armlock while humping Dean’s face. As you can imagine, this leads to a very quick tap out. Another 3 minute job. Vito celebrates with the Girlfriend triple snap.

In the Back the King is holding session with his court. Cole thinks something funny might be up.

Hype Video - for the history of Lashley vs. Booker, hitting all the high points.

William Regal enters to introduce Booker. All Hail King Booker! JBL is loving every second of it, declaring Booker to be divine. I love JBL as heel commentator. Booker looks hesitant to get into the cage, but he’s got some time. See, we got a video package and one entrance, so clearly we’re up for another…

We’re back, and Lashley makes his entrance, then goes on the early offensive. Brawling, shoulder thrusts in the corner, and suplex, but Booker gets back into it by ramming Lashley’s face into the cage. Finlay makes his entrance as Booker takes it to Lashley. Lashley fights out of the corner, hits a slam, some strikes, and smashes Booker into the cage. Lashley with a front facelock, but Booker fires back. Lashley puts a stop to that with a spinebuster. Lashley looking to escape through the door, but Finlay slams it on his head. Booker up and almost out through the door, but Lashley grabs his feet, pulls him in, and hits another spinebuster. Both men are down, so now is the ideal spot for our final…

Back, and Lashley gets dropped face first onto the second turnbuckle. Booker starts to climb, and Lashley follows. Booker smashes Lashley’s head off the cage, and Lashley falls to the mat. Booker almost makes it over the top, but Lashley gets to him just in time. Lashley kicks Booker off the ropes and goes for an escape himself, but Booker pulls him down and covers for 2. Booker chops away, goes for a whip, Lashley reverse, but Booker counters into the Book End. And there’s the scissors kick. JBL KNOWS this means it’s over. Booker goes for the door, but Lashley is able to stop him. Lashley drives Booker into the cage with repeated strikes, then whips him, hits an elbow, and covers for 2. Booker with a thumb to the eye, then takes Lashley down and focuses on his injured knee. Booker with a Boston Crab, but Lashley is able to get to the ropes. JBL tells us this makes Lashley a coward. Booker goes for a whip, Lashley reverses sending him into the corner. Booker tries to spring over a Lashley charge, but Lashley catches him on his shoulder and nails a running powerslam. Lashley climbs, but Finlay and Regal drive him back with the shillelagh and a chair. On the opposite side of the ring Booker climbs too, and is hanging over the top when Lashley manages to get to him and grab him by the arm to pull him back. They fight on the top rope, both using the cage as a weapon, then Lashley hip tosses Booker to the mat. He goes for the escape, and gets it. About 15 minutes, decent match, but a bit anticlimactic.

The Court is fuming, Lashley is celebrating, and we’re out.

Ok show on the whole. Not great, but not as sucktacular as we’ve seen they’re capable of being either. Every match could have used more time, and the places were they could have cut needless bull out were obvious, but the show still managed to be entertaining. I wouldn’t exactly call it a tape saver, but a decent enough way to spend 2 hours. And hopefully my recap is a decent enough read too. Until next time (if there is a next time)…