by Lee Filas  
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

[Man, this whole working without a computer thing is getting out of control. The dilemma is this: Basically, I work on a laptop at home, then transfer the file over to my work computer, fix it up, then send it over to Rick. However, for the last two Tuesdays, it hasn't gone exactly as planned. Last Tuesday - the week of Thanksgiving, I was forced to work from the field and then was slammed throughout the Thanksgiving week and couldn't complete the article. Then, this week, I had to go and file a claim in court against my former roommate's and was off on Tuesday. Then - again - I walk into work and I'm just slammed because of it. IF my computer was working without a problem, or if work cut me some slack, then this whole "not filing the story to Rick" thing would be 10 times easier. However, my plan has gone to shit now, and I'm not fulfilling my obligations to you as originally planned.

So, here's what I'm going to have to do: I'm going to have to purchase a new computer so I can work from home. However, since that wont happen until after Christmas, you guys are just going to have to bear with me. There are going to be numerous spelling mistakes and punctuation errors...and a lot of times, things will be filed late. But, I will do my best to get you the SCJ as soon as possible on the week of the program. It wont always happen - as was evidenced these last two weeks - but I'll do as best as I can to make sure something gets up.

Then, after the first of the year, I'll break down and get my computer up and running again, which will allow me to file this stuff from home on a constant basis. BUT, FOR NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT.]

Raw for Thanksgiving week:

PYRO!!!

It explodes, we check everyone in the arena to see if they're happy to be there before:

Dual Dudleys vs. Christian and Y2J:

Okay, someone asked me to stop being so left field on the nicknames, so I'm going to try to get nicknames that EVERYONE will understand. Also, the phone rang right at 8 p.m., so if there was a minor opening, I missed it. Anyway, I'm calling the Duds the winners of this to open the show for exactly the same reason that Rick thought: the 'Roid Droid and Y2J are going to have some issues to discuss, leaving Christian as the guy left out. Anyway, the tables chant starts early, prompting some Dudley manslaughter attempts. God, Bubba was good in singles, but he is so much better with Devon around. He actually seems to like wrestling again. Anyway, the beat down of Devon puts the Dudleys on their heels, with a huge neckbreaker to take things over. A little bit of back and forth, and then Jericho wins with a strange rollup to take the win. Hmmm...seems they aren't taking the titles from Jericho tonight.

And, out comes Bischoff:

with Val Ven...um...Sean Morley. Morley announces that he is the official rule enforcer of Raw, and, under his authority, he decides to continue the match...as the champs bitch, the bell rings, and I write:

Dual Dudleys vs. Christian and Y2J - again:

Ah-ha!!! Seems I am not wrong yet. Morley has saved my predictions and I still have a chance to get this right. Anyway, they're back in the ring and the fight ensues. Bubba's down and struggling to get to the corner, he does and Devon comes in and beats up Christian. AH!! There's the pin after the 3-D for the win. See, I'm right. And that just goes to show you...wait...

Sean Morley:

is back out again, announcing that Bubba was not the legal man in the ring and the pinfall doesn't count. This of course leads to:

Dual Dudleys vs. Christian and Y2J - again again:

I will say this - he's right so far. Bubba was illegal. Anyway, the fight ensues again. The WAZ up Crotch shot and the call for tables returns after a few minutes of high spots. Christian baseball slide sets up a Lionsault - but a knee to the abdomen stops it. Bubba with the cover for two. Then a title belt comes out and levels Bubba, then Bubba is tapping out to the walls of Jericho...wait, so the illegal man stuff gets Morley out, but the use of a title belt to win doesn't call for a....I'm cornfused. Though, it's 8:22 and it's been all wrestling, so I'm not complaining too much. Though, I was wrong on this guess. I could have sworn the Dud's would have walked away with the belts.

Raw rerun:

AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! It's Mr. Socko's return. God, that was one of the funniest nights I ever witnessed on television. Mick is a God. Then out comes Stone Cold...hey, you don't think that they are showing this as a possible return, do you?

King and Mr. VP of talent development:

Talk about the GaHHHme not being there. So, does that mean he wont make a run in on the championship match? I doubt it.

HBK and Nipples:

She does an incredible perky interview...and he talks about being back for the first time in five years. And, the Saved One runs off to tell the Dood how great he is. Now, Y2J and Christian stroll in and spray her with champagne. Then, Y2J bitches about the 'Roid Droid. They disappear into a locker room, but here come the Dudleys all PO'ed and looking for the belts. Bubba has a plan and they walk off. Damn, this is a long clip. Is Martin Scorcesi directing this program tonight?

Testicles with Legs vs. Lil' Stevie:

You know, Stevie was a one-time holder of the womans title? He came out in a dress and won it in a mud match, if I remember it correctly. This whole testicle thing - I think - is actually going to take off. I don't know, it's got a nice hook to it. Anyway, Stevie basically gets his ass handed to him, (minus the ball shot on the top rope) but the camera never showed it because I guess all eyes were focused on Legs. She STILL needs a boob job before I commit any kind of attraction to her. Best part of the match was her I love testicles t-shirt.

Y2J and Christian in the back:

He points out all the losers in the back, then notices their bags are missing. Hurricane decides he's not a crime fighter for ass clowns. Devon makes them chase him for the bags, they run outside, and are locked out of the locker room. Then Bubba with the Waz up signal, - WHOOO!!! Man, this is just PHENOMINAL!! THE HILARITY!!! God, I cant handle it!!!

Were in Charleston South Carolina...whoopee!!

Test and Stacy in back:

Test admits that he loves his testicles, then he slips Legs the tongue. In turn, she admits to loving his testicles. However, Victoria loves neither, prompting a threat in a very erotic and seductive way. Then, she licks Stacy - YES!!! How nice. I need 30 seconds alone if you guys don't mind ...........................................................<long pause> ........................okay, I'm back. What's going on - oh...

Maven vs. Harvard:

The battle of Tough Enough is about to take place here. Nowinsky brings up Maven's cancer ridden mother...and the fight ensues - and I'm bored. Maven gets knocked out by a text book...that was VERY stupid.

Coming up later - VICTORIA HAS BEEN DUBBED A JEZEBEL!!! You know you've made it as a woman in wrestling when you are called the dreaded jezebel by JR.

Y2J and Christian:

Are searching for their clothes. The hilarity ensues. People walking naked. They enter the locker room of two fat guys and a Rico and bitch about their fashions. There is a moment of tenseness when the fat guys return, so the Champs hightail it out of the room.

Trish vs. that Jezebel:

Man, this is highly erotic in many ways. A lot of submissions and, wow, they're damn sexy. Of course Victoria cheats a lot, but she can. After all, she's a dreaded jezebel now.. Trish is basicaly out powered by Victoria throughout the entire match....I gotta take another 30 second break here, if you know what I mean..........okay, I'm back. Who won? Ah, it doesn't really matter. Let's face it, we're all the winners.

Shawn goes looking for RVD:

And there he is, hanging out like most Dood's do. They talk about how great the other one is, before the dreaded HBK ego rises up. He slaps Dood and Dood slaps him back. They seem satisfied and - that's it? That was strange.

Anthology video:

Seems Bisch got his own video. Well, then I want one. It could start off with a guy in front of a typewriter - the music playing, and me saying something like: What, I don't do a damn thing. I just write. Speaking of writing, some moron

In the back:

Y2J and Christian are still wandering with towels on...and they discuss how the little general is shrinking back into his hole. In the meantime, the Dudleys are going out to the ring with the clothes. Seems Bubba wants to give away the tag champs articles of clothing to the delight of those in attendance. Clothing flies to the South Carolina residents while Y2J and Christian walk out demanding their wardrobe. Then, Bubba pulls out o big jar of Ass cream...it was out of Jericho's bag by the way. But, Jericho being the perfect heel of Raw, pawns the substance off on Christian. The bags go flying into the audience...and the dignity is taken away when Spike removes the towels on the tag champs. I give the champs a lot of credit, though. It looks like they were truly naked under those towels....not that I was looking or anything.

Okay, enough horsing around. Lets get to Batista and Kane so we can get to RVD vs. HBK. Speaking of Batista, I still haven't heard anything worth it yet, so we'll have to wait another week before giving him his official Raw name.

The Gay Hardy and the Hurricane vs. he UnAmericans:

What the hell is with Jeff's opening - him just shaking his shit like a moron. God, and it's a wonder why every wrestling fan questions his sexuality. Also, seems Lilian avoided a spanking this week by wearing a skirt. That bitch. She needs it. Jeff still hits like a girl. He needs to spend some time with Angle and see how to hit someone. However, the Hurricane Hardy deal could turn into a good tag team. A lot of speed, a lot of high risk. NEWS: Booker T was taken to the hospital because of flu like symptoms. I think it's the plague. Anyway, a sharpshooter from Storm ends the threat and the match is over. Though, I knew that was going to happen. And why did I know that - you may ask? One word: Racism. The WWE has ALWAYS been biased against superheroes with green hair.

Replay of HBK's last match on Raw:

He was good in his time. But, he's old and broken now. That poor man - what am I saying? He's got that Whisper chick with him? God, he is the luckiest guy on the face of the earth.

Kane vs. Batista:

God, there has got to be a nickname in there somewhere. Leviathon isn't really his style, even though that was his OVW name. Batista comes out to Flair's theme music - no wait. Ric Flair waddles out and mumbles to us: something about being a champion 16 times, then he acts tough to Kane. Seems Kane goes after Flair - and Batista nails him from behind. The bell sounds....and the war is on. Man, Batista is a big mother fucker aint he? Kane fights back after Batista gets the best of him. Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Batista fights out. A flying clothesline by Kane, knocks out the ref. Then a running powerslam by Kane doesn't get a count because the ref is out. Flair gets involved with a chair. Batista with a sit out power bomb and that's it. Jesus, that guy is huge though.

Bisch and Morley:

Deal finalized for the Big Show trade. Ivory, Devon, Morley and Maven for Show. Also, now Bisch wants the 'Roid Droid - but we're interrupted by

RNN:

He is feeling better and is thankful for his family and his fans. Also, remember, that address is [email protected]

Goldy vs. Rico:

I have a feeling that this is that throw together match that replaced Booker T after he was sent to the hospital with the plague. Alright, send out the fat guys, make the pin and get this over with. I need some more coffee, time for a break. As I come back, I notice the crowd is also not into this. They want this over...hell Ross and the King are even bored. The boring chant takes place...and Goldy wins with an interesting move, ending the chant.

HBK vs. RVD:

All right, I've been saving this: I didn't see Survivor Series or Summer Slam - so I haven't seen Michael's return to the ring at all. This is the first time I have seen him since his match with Austin 5 years ago, I'm going to call it honestly. I've seen him throw a forearm or two - and one of those looked REALLY ugly - so I am totally interested to see if he deserves that belt or not. Also, I want it well known that RVD deserves to take this title at some point. He's our next HBK, as long as he can get some charisma on the microphone. He had that spark in ECW, so he has it in him. Man, HBK looks little. He looks tiny almost. A drop kick from Michaels, got some height, but nothing impressive. It also looks like RVD is trying to be careful of Michael's back. Also, Michael's looks a lot less than what he once was. He just isn't as comfortable as he once was, and it shows in his cockiness. I don't know, I'm kind of torn. I like seeing HBK in the ring, but he looks like a fish out of water. It's just - I don't know - something's missing. Okay - its still a good match right now - and we all know HHH is going to come out to ruin this. Michael's is going to fly through the air - and he landed wrong but goes for the cover but there was a kickout. I got it: I get the feeling that Michael's isn't sure of his own back while wrestling. It may not seem that way in some of the moves he does, but it looks like he's making sure that he doesn't land wrong. The old HBK threw caution to the wind, but the new HBK is scared of his own destiny - or knows what could happen if he continues to wrestle like this. Well, whatever - because here comes the GaHHHme to pedigree RVD. He then grabs a chair from the exceptionally hot Lilian - God, give me just one night with her - then rolls up his sleeves and sets up the chair for Michaels. HBK tries to come back, but a sidewalk slam on the chair for Michaels ends the threat. A little taunting brings up the credits.

Hold on!!! It's not over yet!!

E-MAIL LEE FILAS  
BROWSE THE RAW RECAP ARCHIVES

All contents are Copyright 1995-2014 by OOWrestling.com.  All rights reserved.
This website is not affiliated with WWE or any other professional wrestling organization.  Privacy Statement.