My first piece of evidence: the Reds sweep the media-darling/choice-for-NL-Central-Champ Brewers to open the baseball season. Nice try, suckers, but when the guy with Mono still goes out and shuts you down for 7 innings, you might want to look into re-assessing your chances. 
 
And my second piece of evidence: the UD Flyers lost their head coach to Georgia Tech (ironically enough, located about two blocks away from the site of WrestleMania 27), but rebounded by getting a coach who promises to be even better. You need look no further than how upset GATech's fans are about their hire. Or how not upset UD's fans are about them "stealing" him. I wish I could consult disgraced former OO semi-star Erin Anderson about her hometown college's foibles, but she doesn't give a shit about basketball, so it wouldn't be any fun.
 
Anyway, my mood heading into tonight's WrestleMania 27 is a good one, and any gripes that follow cannot be blamed on outside sources. If I get grumpy tonight, it's all WWE's fault.
 
Let's see what happens. Let's delve into 2011's WrestleMania 27:

• The Rock's Introductory Raising Expectations Theatre. The Rock hits the ring to start the show, and takes up 10 minutes to deliver 30 seconds worth of info (a promise that this will be the most memorable WM ever) partly because the fans wouldn't let him speak, and partly because The Rock decided to go way overboard on catchphrases and sing-alongs-with-the-Rock. Still: if you've got the Rock and he's "hosting" the show, you run him out there and milk him for every last drop.
  
  
• Opening Theme/Pyro/Etc. Whoa... you know my thesis from my preview column about this being a throwback to WM2? Well, the opening credits montage featured graphics declaring WM27 to be "Bigger, Badder, and Better," which -- if I recall (and I do) -- was the exact advertising slogan for WM2. I'm a genius. And FYI: once we cut to the arena, the commentary crew includes Cole and Lawler (both also in tuxedos, showing no signs of being in a match later tonight). Cole is in his plexiglass chamber, and the two are joined by Josh Mathews.
  
  
• Edge pins Alberto del Rio to retain the World Heavyweight Title. Christian and Brodus Clay accompany their pals to ringside, and will be allowed to stay. Boxing-style ring intros, and then we're off. The story here is that Edge is nursing an arm injury from past del Rio attacks, and he needs to get off to a fast start to avoid getting in trouble and compounding his problems. He fails to do so, and within 90 seconds del Rio is 100% in control and going after the left arm.
   
  What could have been interminably boring arm bars serve their purpose thanks to Christian being a damned fine cheerleader, rallying the crowd behind Edge's first fire-up/comeback. That fizzles when Edge tries to go up to the top rope, but del Rio does the Kurt Angle "run up the ropes" to yank Edge off with a super armdrag. It's around here that audible "del ree oh, del ree oh" chants start up (countered by "Let's go Edge").
   
  Next time Edge rallies and tries to go up top, del Rio AGAIN does the Angle run-up and hits a sweet enziguiri with both men on the top. Maybe those chants for the guy are justified... interference from Ricardo Rodriguez leads Christian to get involved... but in doing so, he falls prey to a big slam from Brodus... Edge sets up for the Spear, but Ricardo distracts the ref while Brodus rams Edge's injured arm into the ring post. Del Rio locks in the arm breaker. Edge fights it and fights it, and finally positions himself so del Rio's shoulders are down; del Rio has to release the hold to kick out.
   
  Edge immediately cinches in his new/old quasi Sharpshooter submission. This time it's del Rio's turn to fight it. Brodus tries to interfere, but Christian takes him down with a tornado DDT, so we're down to just the two men in the ring. Del Rio's able to squirm out. Edge tries a Spear, whiffs. Del Rio tries to cinch the armbreaker back in, but Edge escapes. Edge tries the Spear again, and del Rio walks right into it. One, two, three: Destiny thwarted. Edge retains.
   
  Just about 15 minutes, and a very nice opener; clearly not the all-out effort the two could have done, but a notch above anything you'd get on free TV due to the Big Match Atmosphere where you honestly believe del Rio could win but still wanted Edge to retain. Ambiguity like that goes a long way to adding fun to a match that was half Generic Arm Related Offense, and half back and forth end game.
  
  After the Match: E&C vandalize del Rio's fancified car, and del Rio weeps like a little girl. I'm OK with del Rio waiting till another day to win the gold, but what the hell purpose is served by making him look like this big of a weenis?
   
  
• First Hint of Suck: Cole finally slips into character for the first time, and spends a minute and a half climbing around in his chamber taunting Lawler and being an ass. I don't know what's worse: Cole being in character, or the jarring and incongruous lack of continuity when he's out of character during the actual matches. Christ, I can't wait for Cole to be humbled so we can lose the counter-productive schizophrenic act.
  
  
• Cody Rhodes beats Rey Mysterio. Rey's movie-inspired WM costume this year is his version of Captain America. Cody tries a sneak attack before the bell, but Rey catches him, and hits a quick flurry before Rhodes settles in for the standard mid-match heel beatdown. The crowd ain't into it, which is quite obvious when 17 people get a "Let's Go Cody" chant started (and they are only countered by 8 people trying a "Let's Go Rey"), and it comes through crystal clear.
   
  Some well-deserved ooohhs and aahhhhs for a delayed superplex by Cody (a VERY delayed superplex; he had Rey held up for a good 20 seconds), then back to a background of light murmuring, even as Rey got a nice extended hope spot. 10 minutes in, and Cody regains control and goes after the Dreaded Knee Brace on Rey's left knee (the one that "disfigured" him). Cody rips it off and tosses it out of the ring. Rey counters with a rally that ends with removing Cody's face mask... then he drapes Rhodes across the middle rope and hits a (619). Cody blocks the follow up West Coast Pop, but Rey grabs Cody's mask and puts it on, and delivers a bunch of headbutts followed by a Benoit-esque diving headbutt. Cody still kicks out... then, as the ref decides to take the face mask away from Rey and turns his back to hand it to the timekeeper, Cody gets a poetically just measure of revenge by grabbing Rey's kneebrace and whapping him in the face with it. As the ref turns back around, Cody hits CrossRhodes, and scores the pinfall.
   
  Another one around 15 minutes, but without nearly the same action or atmosphere, although things picked up with the fun and cleverly booked Discarded Equipment vs. Discarded Equipment finish. That's pretty cool stuff in the vein of "what I might have come up with, if pressed." And you all know how high an opinion of myself I have.
  
  
• Backstage: Snoop Dogg in the hizzzouse, where he approaches Teddy Long about trying out some WWE stars to appear with him on his next tour. So the auditions are on: (1) William Regal does some gangsta rap. (2) Great Khali sings some hippy dippy song from the 70s that I can't remember the name of. (3) Zack Ryder sings that retarded "Friday" song that is proof that America has stopped recognizing the difference between liking things, and pretending to like them ironically. Roddy Piper shows up and punches Zack Ryder in the face, proving why he's one of my favorite wrestlers. (4) Chris F. Masters shows off his dancing pecs while Yoshi Tatsu stands next to him for some reason. (5) Hornswoggle appears in full Snoop Dogg gear, but when Teddy reminds us that Hornswoggle can't actually talk, Snoop bails, leaving Hornswoggle all alone...  so of course, "Sippin' on Gin and Juice" magically starts playing at that moment, the Bella Twins arrive, and start dancing as Hornswoggle starts rapping his own version of the song. An inoffensive bit o' comedy.
  
  
• Big Show/Kane/Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston beat The Corre. The story here is that the Corre attacked Kozlov at the FanFest, and so Kofi's volunteered to take his place. And the other story is that the ring entrances took longer than the match. Fast start, all the babyfaces got to hit their finishers during the Pier 8 Brawl, and then Big Show KO Punched Heath Slater for the pin and win. 2 minutes flat. Post-match, Santino tries to get an Air Trombone Celebration going, but only Big Show really goes along with it before we cut to....
  
  
• Backstage: The Rock is talking to Eve, bragging about how he has the ability to make A Magical Moment happen with the snap of his fingers. It doesn't matter who he's working with. At which point Mae Young shows up, and Rock backpeddals and wants out of the Moment. But Mae wants struedel, so awkwardness ensues until Eve politely offers to take Mae to her seats... Rock turns his back, lamenting that it HAD to be Mae Young showing up when he made his promise, it couldn't have been somebody else... and when Rock turns back around, Stone Cold Steve Austin is standing there. The two share a quick greeting and a tense handshake of mutual respect. But nothing more.
  
  
• Randy Orton beats CM Punk. Punk takes a few stabs at Orton's injured knee right out of the gate... but the first few fail. Then Punk lures Orton outside the ring and tricks Orton into ramming knees-first into the steel ring steps. From there, the beatdown is on. Some creative stuff by Punk, but like Edge before him: his downfall is deciding to try a top rope move. Orton is able to lunge and crotch Punk on the top turnbuckle, setting up a superplex and an mini-rally.
   
  That ends when Punk lures Orton into a corner, and then drops down and yanks him crotch-first into the ring post. And then? The classic Ringpost Assisted Figure 4! I always dig that one. Then back to the beatdown, this time less creative and more pragmatic (restholds and flat-out clubbering on Orton's knee).
   
  Young Randall fires up out of a leglock submission of some kind, and does a lumbering one-legged fire-up that fizzles when Punk just simply kicks him in the back of the knee. Orton crumbles and Punk cinches in the Anaconda Vice; Orton is able to get a rope break, and another mini-rally that ends with the Hangman DDT followed by a Viper Coiling. But Punk isn't getting up to allow Orton to hit an RKO; Punk is still down. So Randy changes gears and decides to try for a Punt.
   
  In mid-stride, Orton crumbles, holding his injured knee. A quick close-up on Punk's face shows that's exactly what he was counting on (since he pulled the same trick back on Monday); Punk immediately to his feet, and stalks Orton, setting him up for the GTS... but Orton may have been one step ahead of Punk, faking the inability to hit the Bootie Kick to lure Punk in, as Randy immediately leaps to his feet and goes for the RKO... Punk escapes, and hits a couple quick kicks on Orton before deciding to try a springboard move. But Orton plucks him out of mid-air with an RKO (the best of the "flying RKOs" he's attempted in terms of looking plausible and like Orton -- not his opponent -- did the work).
   
  And that's your finish; another 15 minute deal, this one probably splitting the difference between the two opening matches in terms of quality. Which makes it -- at best -- a free TV Friday night special. Meh. But no time to linger on any Mantard Celebration, because we cut to...
  
  
• Backstage: Mean Gene Okerlund is with the Rock, talking about the Rock insulting John Cena's fans, at which point Gene says Cena's #1 Fan has just walked in... it's Pee Wee Herman, doing the full "Can't See Me" Cena act. Rock tells him to cut it out, because The Rock sees potential in Pee Wee, but only if Pee Wee mans up and joins Team Bring It. Because the alternative is to be on Cena's Team Froot Loop. At this point, Okerlund pops back in wearing Cena's Fruity Pebble Gear, which scares Pee Wee straight. He asks to join Team Bring It, and Rock lets him ask if we smell what the Pee is cookin'. Fun.
  
  
• Hall of Fame Interlude: all the inductees get called out onto the stage for a bow. Observation #1: christ, is Sunny still hot or what? I don't know what the proper waiting period should be on a pro wrestling hall of fame, but there's something wrong about putting a capper on the career of a chick who is still spank-worthy. Then again: we enshrined HBK this year, too, and the thing he was always best at is a thing he was still really good at the last time we checked, too. Observation #2: christ, did Drew Carey get booed out of the building or what?
  
  
• Michael Cole beat Jerry "the King" Lawler. Kind of. Booker T enters first, as replacement commentator #1. Followed by Jim Ross as replacement commentator #2. Then it's Michael Cole entering with a mic and no entrance music; he's wearing a bright orange get-up, complete with collegiate headgear, and is blabbing on and on with 3rd grade caliber "rips" on JR and Lawler. I guess it worked: the crowd got pretty riled up, even above and beyond the first context-appropriate "WHATs?" in a half-decade.
   
  Jack Swagger attempts a ring entrance to join his protege, Cole, but is interrupted by the Innovator of "What," Stone Cold Steve Austin (who busted out the ol' ATV of Justice for his ride to ringside). Austin almost runs down Swagger, and scares Cole into the plexiglass Cole Mine.
   
  Then Lawler enters, and it's on. Or it's supposed to be. Cole stalls by hanging out in his cubicle until Austin rings the bell and threatens to count Cole out.... but King doesn't want it that way, so he asks to stop the count, and he goes outside. Swagger tries to interccept him, but Lawler kicks Swaggers ass, and goes after Cole. But Cole begs off, and asks for a truce, even extending a handshake of friendship through one of the holes in his chamber. Jerry grabs the hand and immediately yanks back (repeatedly) for a hilarious slapstick visual of Cole's head repeatedly bouncing off the clear cubicle. Jerry then climbs into the cubicle to apply a further beatdown and to drag Cole out of said cubicle and into the ring.
   
  But after throwing Cole into the ring, Lawler is waylaid by a recovered Jack Swagger, leveling the playing field as Jerry drags himself back into the ring only to be stopped in his tracks by a Sliding Dropkick by Cole. Cole then focuses his attack on the ankle that he and Swagger had softened up multiple times in recent weeks.
   
  Is that a thunderous "You Can't Wrestle" chant directed at Cole, or do my ears deceive me? If so, just be known that Vince McMahon is furious with each and every one of you: the PROPER terminology is "You Can't Entertain." Wrestling has nothing to do with it, you fools; there's no place for wrestling at WrestleMania.
   
  For as much as this little feud has been fun in the build up, Cole's extended beatdown is so ridiculous because of Cole's obvious ineptitude that this match is dying on the table. From "You Can't Wrestle" to "Boooooooorrrring" over the course of 3 minutes. You know, the crime here isn't that Lawler was made to look good in matches against the WWE Champ, it's that he's been asked to look this bad against Cole. Finally, Jerry powers out of an ankle lock, and starts a rally... but it sounds like the crowd is lost for good.
   
  Until Swagger throws in a towel, trying to bring the match to a premature end... the crowd doesn't want that cop out, and Ref Austin isn't gonna give it to him. He wipes his brow with Swagger's towel, then throws it out of the ring. Swagger retrieves it and gets in the ring to HAND IT to Austin and explain his intent. Swagger gets a Stunner. This causes Cole to get up in Austin's face, apparently saying some naughty things, since they cut the sound for two giant swathes of time. Austin denies Cole's protest and Lawler restarts his rally, this time with the crowd re-engaged. He even busts out a dropkick. Up to the second rope. Strap down. Fist drop. One. Two. Lawler picks up Cole's shoulder to deliver more punishment. Lawler slaps on the ankle lock. Cole immediately taps out, but Austin makes him suffer by slooooowwwwwly asking "Do. You. Tap. Out?" a few times before granting the submission finish. Lawler wins.
   
  From Cole-stalling start to Cole-carried-out-in-Swagger's-arms finish, this one was also in the 15 minute range, but it might have benefited from being shorter. Or from Cole not being so awful (whether he was doing it on purpose for "heel heat" or not). Not a total abortion thanks to a strong finish, but just compared to the utterly-awful-for-workrate Bret/Vince match last year, this one even falls short by the criteria of a Sports Entertainment Segment.
   
  After the Match: Austin hijacks Lawler's celebration and asks for a few beers... but then Booker T decides to hijack the co-celebration by getting in the ring to ask for his music so he can do a spin-a-roonie. He completes the move, but when he looks to share a beer with Stone Cold, Booker eats a Stunner, too. Back to Austin and Jerry celebrating until.... *PING* an email from the RAW General Manager? Mathews goes over to read it.
   
  The GM rules that because the referee got physically involved in the match, Lawler is DQ'd and the winner is Michael Cole.
   
  Two more large swathes of time muted due to swearing. But when the sound comes back, they can't mute the crowd chanting "Bullshit." In your face, Vince. Lawler asks Mathews to re-read the email, and only gets angrier. So he tosses Mathews into the ring so that Stone Cold can Stun the messenger. My guess: WWE decided to do this so various employees could make a killing on the offshore sports books who were taking bets on Mania. I didn't even know there were sports books dumb enough to do that, but threads on the OO Forums proved otherwise, and Cole was going off as a MASSIVE underdog. Next time you do that, WWE: at least make sure to tell one of your employees who still secretly talks to me, dammit.
   
  After the After the Match: we're down to one announcer left (JR), so Lawler decides to go sit down and do the second half of the PPV next to his old pal.
  
  
• Undertaker beats Triple H. Triple kicks things off a silly pre-entrance (with a wee taste of a Metallica song that is very Dramatic -- in the musical theatre sense -- but which I can't remember for sure what the title is) that is still only 7.3% as gay as the one he did five years ago at WM22.
   
  Then the lights go out for 5 seconds, and when the come back on, Trips has ditched the outfit and Motorhead plays him to the ring, per usual. Taker out to Johnny Cash's "Ain't No Grave." In the Battle of Alternate Entrance Themes, I gotta give the edge to Johnny Cash... it was awkward at first, but throw in some pyro and it works. It sets a mood. Like WWE wants, it's an old-west-y vibe. Throw in the importance of the number 19 tonight, and I almost see me a little bit of Roland in the Undertaker. [A shiny nickel to you if you have any idea what the hell I'm talking about there.]
   
  Now: to see if these two vets who were rightfully demoted from the main event are up to the task of resuscitating this show after a first half that had exactly one (1) significant and entertaining segment (the good-but-not-great Edge/del Rio opener). Bell rings and straight to trading fists. Taker gets the best of it first time in the ring. HHH is getting the best of it the second time, outside of the ring, until Taker makes a quick go behind and forced HHH to eat ringpost. Taker sets up the Spanish Announce Table for some kind of spot, but HHH has recovered, and when Taker comes back, HHH tackles him through the front panel of the Cole Mine.
   
  Taker is more insulted than injured, however, and when the match spills back into the ring, Taker's still in control. Until he goes for the OOld SchOOl ropewalk, but HHH counters it. Now HHH preps the English announce table... and unlike Taker, he's about to put it to use when Taker reverses out of a Pedigree and backdrops HHH off the table to the floor (holy shit is that ever a big and loud piece of meat splatting on the mat). HHH is holding his arm after that, but to be honest, I noticed him grabbing it a few moments earlier, so I dunno where we're supposed to believe he hurt himself (or if he might really have tweaked something).
   
  As HHH slowly gets to his feet on the floor, Taker lines him up and does his Crazy Old Man No Hands Plancha onto HHH. "Holy Shit," indeed, Atlanta.
   
  We've got both announce tables cleared, a half-dismantled Cole Mine, and now Taker's setting up the ring steps for something..... a tombstone onto the steps? NO, Trips counters. But when Taker tries to tackle HHH off the top of the steps, HHH grabs Taker and turns it into a slam where Taker goes through the Spanish announce table. Nice.
   
  More brawling, and it's back to 50/50 when they hit the ring. Back inside (for the first time since the opening minute), Taker hits a chokeslam for the first near fall, but even though it's a finisher, no dice. First dueling chants of the match, and it's 70/30 in favor of "Un Dur Take Her" versus "Trip Uhl Aitch." More back and forth leads to a nice sequence where Taker tries a Snake Eyes, Trips blocks, and HHH hits the spine buster. After another exchange, HHH hits a Pedigree, but only for 2. HHH goes for a mount-and-punch on the turnbuckle (dumb idea; seriously, if I were a wrestler, I'd NEVER do that to Taker because I'd have studied my video), only to get hoisted up for the Last Ride (duh). But again, only 2. Taker slits the throat, and hits the Tombstone. But again again: only 2. Crowd wanted it. I kinda did too. [If this match doesn't end soon, then the rumor is true, and Sheamus/Dan Bryan just got demoted to tomorrow night's RAW.]
   
  Taker positions a chair and tries to Tombstone HHH on it, but HHH worms out, and DDTs Taker onto that self same chair. Both men down. Start that double count. Both men up, slug it out, HHH sets up the Pedigree. Hits it. Again, for 2. Another exchange, another Pedigree. Another 2. I forget if it was CRZ or Scott Keith, but one of them would namedrop Johnny Ace at this point if they were recapping this. Myself: my lack of respect for Johnny Ace prevents me from namedropping Johnny Ace. Except: in not namedropping Johnny Ace, I just namedropped him four times. D'oh. I suck.
   
  Anyway: now a very frustrated HHH grabs a steel chair and whaps Taker with it about 3 dozen times, as the crowd begins slightly booing his dickish behavior. In a throwback to last year, this time it's HHH who is seen to scream "STAY DOWN" at Taker (last year, Taker said the same exact thing to HBK), but Taker insists on getting back up. HHH hits him square on the skull with the chair (OMG RULES VIOLATION~! UNPROTECTED CHAIRSHOT~! NOT LEGAL~! FIRE HHH~! ALERT CHRIS NOWITZKI~! AND MATTEL~!), only to have Taker start struggling to his feet before HHH can even make a cover. More "STAY DOWN" from HHH. More not staying down from Taker.
   
  A throat slit FROM HUNTER. A Tombstone FROM HUNTER. A kickout BY TAKER. OK, so it's not epic, and WWE fucked up the build-up to this match something inexcusable, but this is getting fun. It's the once a year stage where the Johnny Ace Technique works and is valid. Now, Trips takes frustration to another level and fetches a sledgehammer... but he takes too long stalking Taker, and steps too close to Taker... Taker grabs a leg, Taker pulls him in, Taker grabs the arm, Taker locks in the Hells Gate. HHH fights it, the sledge inches out of reach in one direction, the ropes out of reach in another... then Trips remembers the no-DQ stip to the match and realizes there's no such thing as a rope break, so he grabs the sledge... but Taker keeps squeezing and HHH drops the sledge... and then HHH taps out.
   
  Just to the high side of 20 minutes, and certainly worth a look, even if only for historical value. They set the bar low with the shittiest set-up imaginable for this one, and then exceeded those expectations with a very good match. Hot (if overly gimmicky/garbagey) start, which allowed them the slower/storytelling middle, leading up to the big kick-outs-everywhere finish that popped the crowd like nobody's business. And they did it without HBK playing an important role (like I wanted). Hell, without HBK playing ANY role.
  
  After the Match: Taker won, but after using the last ounce of his strength to squeeze the life out of HHH with the Hells Gate, he's semi-lifeless on the mat. HHH gets to his feet first, despite having tapped out. HHH leaves the ring, as trainers check on Taker. Taker's coming to, and leave the ring, too. Taker collapses, and HHH comes back. The refs want to keep them apart, but when the trainer calls for the stretcher, HHH disappears. Trainers load Taker onto the golf-cart-stretcher (a first for WWE?), and my immediate guess is that Taker give the golf-cart-stretcher-thumbs-up-of-NFL-ovationy, because otherwise, why do the golf cart? But he doesn't. They just drive him off. Huh. [And oh yeah: all this took enough time that Sheamus/Bryan is DEFINITELY postponed until tomorrow. I'm not complaining about the Taker/HHH thing running as long as it did, but there were VERY flabby/poorly-planning segments earlier in the show...]
  
  
• John Morrison/Trish Stratus/Snooki beat Dolph Ziggler/LayCool. They must be running tight on time, since the entrances are all time-compressed, and then the heels jumpstart the match. It settles down to Trish vs. McCool (after McCool physically shoved Layla aside, clearly wanting to try her luck against the Greatest Diva Ever). It goes to McCool's advantage when Trish hot-dogs by turning her Handjob Chops into a Threesome Handjob Chop when Snooki did the licking. Trish and Michelle went back and forth until it spilled to the outside, which is when Trish hit some big spots (including huge double plancha), leading Dolph to get involved, which led Morrison to get involved... the guys set up a spot where Morrison hit an Atomic Starship Pain (from the top to the floor) on Ziggler, leaving Trish to tag in Snooki for the big finish.
   
  By which I mean: the crowd booing the ever loving shit out of the useles orange sluttard until she suddenly busted out a triple handspring backflip elbow and then a standing moonsault on Layla, which was more than enough to get the win. Probably 4 minutes flat, and like I said: they MUST be running tight on time, because this should probably have been formatted differently if they'd had time. Morrison/Ziggler could have added more. Then again: Trish carrying 80% of the load and looking awesome doing it doesn't exactly upset me, either.
  
  
• Miz and John Cena went to a Double Count-Out in the WWE Title Match. The champ enters first, and he's got Alex "New Job Title Here" Riley with him (along with the vestigial briefcase). Then a choir hums some nice humming before a video package that sounds like a Cena rap about his HLR, but voiced by a preacher man, then back to the choir for a soulful take on somebody thinking "My Time Is Now." And the crowd boos like crazy. Because god and singing and preacherman are evil! Then Cena enters to his usual theme wearing a new red t-shirt while Jim Ross blatantly lies about WM27's attendance (he claims it's 71,000-ish, when the building was only set up to have 67,000 sellable tickets, and they didn't sell them all).
   
  Boxing intros again, and while it's a bit more mixed than Cena's all-boos entrance, this goes beyond the "mutinous"/vocal-minority thing we've heard in earlier matches to a full on split. Interesting. Cena overpowers Miz to start, and that goes over like a fart in church. Actually, the dueling chants of "Miz is awesome/Miz is awful" aren't that loud, like they're just waiting for things to go on too long, so they can chant "We Want Rock," instead of pretending like these two are all the players in the main event.
   
  And Cena and Miz might be purposely marking time till that moment, too, as I noticed it was 10:40pm and they still hadn't really done much more than the most tepid of back-and-forth (OK, Cena did hit a Harlem Hangover, but that was it), and SOMEthing has to give soon, right? Cuz if it doesn't, maybe they SHOULD have let Taker/HHH go on last.... more back and forth, with no real flow or story, and I can safely say that Cena's big rallies (including the five knuckle shuffle and a brief SSTF before Miz got the ropes) have been met with all boos, while Miz's bigger moves (his short-DDT and combo back/neck-breaker) are met with semi-cheers. Even when Riley cheated and helped pull Cena into the ringpost, there were boos when Cena kicked out of the near fall.
   
  After that near fall, Miz went for a Skull Crushing Finale, but Cena's flailing led to the ref being knocked out.... Cena hit the FU, but with no ref, there's no count.... Riley hits the ring and whaps Cena with the vestigial briefcase... but by the time the ref comes to, Cena is able to kick out of the cover.... Miz and Riley are BOTH upset with the ref, and the ref is occupied with Riley on the apron while Miz grabs the briefcase and tries to hit Cena from behind. But Cena ducks and Miz hits Riley with the case, so now it's back to just Miz and Cena.... they brawl to the outside, and eventually Miz tries to get away through the crowd, but Cena tackles him by leaping over the barricade.... both guys are down and out in the third row of the audience, and the ref starts counting... and the ref gets to 10... and the ref calls for a double count-out... Match over.
   
  BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE...
   
  After the Match: DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'....
  
  BTW: if you were one of the diptards with a gambling problem who wagered on this match (where Miz was a major dog), the OOfficial result is a draw. I believe that means the bookie keeps ALL your money, no matter who you bet on.
  
  As the Rock is posing, we get a *PING* from the RAW General Manager... JR goes to read it... but the Rock intercepts, and reads: "As the RAW General Manager, I think..." and the Rock trails off on his narration to say "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK~" and orders the current match to re-start with a no-DQ, no-CO stip. It's also currently 10:55pm so whatever Rock's planning on happening better happen fast.
  
  
• Miz vs. Cena 2: Miz retains the WWE Title via pinfall: The Continuining. As soon as both guys get back in the ring, Cena eats a Rock Bottom. Yep, that WAS fast. Thanks Rock. Miz immediately falls on top of Cena, and the ref counts to three. For those of you with gambling problems: even if you took my advice from the Preview Column and bet on the Miz, you win zero dollars because I'm sure any sports book worth its salt will go with the original outcome, rather than the outcome of the second (unbilled) rematch. Please alert me if I'm wrong, as I care deeply about the vagaries of sports betting as much as I enjoy my offshore gambling account for Poker.
  
  After the Second Match: Miz was celebrating in a semi-confused (but content) fashion, when the Rock looked back at the ring and took umbrage. The Rock raced back and planted Miz in the center of the ring and hits the People's Elbow for shit and giggles. And that's the end of the show, as JR and King (congrats to them on getting to have one last picnic together~!) remind us that the Rock will be on RAW tomorrow to explain this Hot Mess (tm, The Rock's Attempt To Annoy Me By Repeatedly Saying Something That Is Not Catchphrase Worthy). Seeing as how the current score is Rock = Rock Bottom Cena/Peoples Elbow Miz vs. Cena = FU Rock/5 Knuckle Shuffle Miz vs. Miz = Still The F'n Champ You Suckers, I'm kinda curious to see about that bit...