What bothers me is why this crap is continuing. It’s GOT to be stress. I haven’t been this sick this often in… uh… never. I don’t have the invincible immune system some people have and I tend to draw the cold or flu when it goes around, but it’s normally fairly light and once it’s gone, it’s gone. Maybe it’s due to the sleeplessness I’ve told you all about, that’s temporarily lowered my resistance? Maybe it’s coincidence? Whatever it is, it sucks. 
  

Two more weeks of college, people. That’s it. That’s it, and then I’m finished. Maybe, just maybe, that’s when I’ll be able to start getting my health back. I do plan on doing some light exercise to the fill the void in my time, and that will be all sorts of awesome. Maybe that’ll help my white blood cells too. Certainly can’t hurt!

Okay, enough of Pyro’s health updates. Let’s get through this so I can lay back down…

Opening: We cold-open to an “earlier today” where R-Truth comes to Johnny Curtis in the locker room and says that none of the pros will be there tonight. JC calls himself a “one-man wolf pack,” howls, and makes me cry.

We fade to Brodus Clay, who is talking to Ricardo Rodriguez somewhere in the bowels of the building. RR speaks a bit of Spanish before segueing into English for no reason, though it’s good to hear that he can speak it. RR basically just says that Brodus needs to do his best not just for himself, but for Alberto Del Rio too.

Derrick Bateman is lying on his stomach next to Daniel Bryan, lying the same way, with their heads on their hands like they’re girls at a slumber party dishing about boobs and periods or whatever girls talk about at those things. Bryan says that if Bateman is eliminated tonight, he’ll be back to punch Bateman in the face. Bateman laughs, but Bryan says, “No, seriously dude: I will punch your face.” Awesome. Bateman says he’s going to cowboy up—complete with a cowboy hat—and Bryan is proud that he’s learning.

Segment 1: The rookies are introduced, and we’re onto our first challenge. It’s a four-part course of finger dexterity challenge. First up is beer pong, second is playing with kids’ blocks to build a tower, third is to flip a plastic cup so it does a 180 in the air and lands on its top, and fourth is to move dice with chopsticks to arrange them in numerical order. That’s… actually not a horrible little set of dexterity tests. For the first goddamn time in the history of all four seasons of NXT, I want to play too!

JC does it in 1:19, Bateman fails to finish, and Brodus takes 1:49 but was the most interesting. He basically cheated on two of them—very cleverly and he got a pass both times—and was amazingly delicate and calculating while playing with the blocks. The crowd even forgot to boo Brodus during that specific spot; it was rather amazing seeing a dude that size having a gnat’s touch on the blocks. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it might be worth you checking out Brodus’s performance there; it wasn’t fast, but it was unarguably entertaining.

But anyway, JC gets immunity points, trailing Brodus 5-3. There will be a second challenge later, worth three points, and JC needs it. I’m 100% sure that if JC doesn’t draw immunity, he’s done. I’m 100% sure if he doesn’t, Brodus is gone. Hey, Brodus might be my #1 this season, but I have a feeling Bateman is ahead in the voting.

Segment 2 [Triple Threat Match]: Johnny Curtis defeats Derrick Bateman by pin and outlasts Brodus Clay. Damn fine match, well-balanced, and the crowd was pretty respectful. Brodus was the de facto heel if we try forcing it into a formula, but the crowd was cheering for all three guys.

One surprising series came early. Brodus was dumped out of the ring on the west side. JC threw Bateman off the east ropes and went for a clothesline. Bateman ducked it, but kept going and did a suicide dive through the ropes to shoulder block Brodus in the face. Not to be outdone on the fantastic flying, JC hit the east ropes, then did a vaulting 450 body splash and took both guys out… except he landed clean on his feet! (Wait, does that make it a 720 splash?) Sweet move, sweeter landing!

No more high spots, but a great balance to the match: basically each guy got some time to beat the crap out of each of the other two. JC’s momentum started when, as Clay was pinning Bateman near the southwest corner, JC launched from the northwest corner and hit a clean leg drop. Damn, he can fly.

The ending of the match had JC and Bateman allying for a moment to hit a double suplex on Brodus. Then, JC immediately did a suplex on Bateman onto Brodus, and quickly pinned Bateman with a… uh… well, it’s that pin where the guy grabs his legs and leans into the victim like it’s the missionary position. What is that pin called? It’s not roll-up… does it even have a name?

Cut Scene: To kill some time and add some hype, we get a replay of Cena’s promo from last night… which includes a replay of Rock’s comments the previous week. By writing that sentence, I officially recapped in this recap a recap in a recap that I already recapped with a recap in a previous recapped recap with a different recap in that recap in another recap. CRAP!!!

Segment 3: This is a “Talk the Talk” challenge, but not the fun random topic kind. Each guy is given thirty seconds to put themselves over. JC has a fairly generic speech that actually sounds more like a farewell speech. Bateman tries some cheap pops but fails miserably for some reason. Brodus does a shitload of cheap pops and shout-outs, mostly because this is his hometown or something. I dunno… but Brodus definitely had the most energy. And, indeed, Brodus takes it by a landslide.

Brodus officially get immunity this week, but I still don’t think he needed it. JC is gone, people, I guarantee it.

Segment 4: After another couple hype vids, we get right to it…

DERRICK BATEMAN IS GONE???

Holy. Shit. Bateman cuts a farewell promo that’s pretty solid… actually, hell, it puts him more self-over than his 30 second challenge was in Segment 4. Bateman says he’s proved that he’s the future face of the company, and everyone knows that, except for Sacramento or something.

During the replays of the moment, even Johnny Curtis himself was absolutely shocked, and looked dumbfounded as he glanced over at Bateman.

Oh, and immediately after Bateman finishes his speech, Brodus clotheslines JC out of his shoes. Heh.

Final Thoughts: Wow, we ended 15 minutes early tonight, and there was a good 10 minutes or more of filler... I'll eat a bug if there was more than 32 minutes of actual NXT stuff tonight. No complaint though; three guys and no pros, there really wasn't a lot of content to be had.

Bateman might be eliminated, but he’s not gone. He’s easily the most charismatic of the rookies all the men’s seasons combined (I put him neck-and-neck with Wade Barrett as the top two in charisma), and they’re not going to have that awesome Daniel Bryan setup without a payoff. I look forward to him being on the main rosters soon.

JC meanwhile… well, the mere fact he was shocked tonight tells me he has no chance for next week, unless something incredibly stupid happens. JC is clearly the better-talented of the two in-ring, but Brodus continually gets better on the mic, and as I’ve said from the beginning, Brodus has the natural look and menace that JC simply doesn’t have and never can have. You can’t teach power and menace, but you can teach ring skills and mic skills. Brodus wins, or the IWC gets further and further removed from intelligence and quality judgment.

Next week is the final episode of NXT. Not just this season, but all of NXT. Tough Enough comes back after WrestleMania, and unless Bizarro Rick comes from the heavens—the alcohol-free, Molly Holly-hating, Xavier-loving, clean-mouthed, gamer Rick—no one attached to OO is willing to recap that, so we’ll be back to two recaps per week. Which is just fine, since that’ll be less to distract us from WrestleMania! [Ed. Note: it's spelled "Eggsavier." Because it pisses them off to have it pronounced the same way as Captain Picard's X-man character and we Dayton Flyers are not ones to pass up cheap jollies in lieu of actually, you know?, beating them at basketball.]

So, I look forward to your having your eyes for five minutes next week for our final NXT recap, and your eyes for the usual ten minutes this Saturday when you check out the SmackDown recap. As Maryse would say, arrivederci!