In other news, I fell off the wagon of soda sobriety. I’m entering the final week of college and one of our “teammates” has shown himself to be an unreliable toolface, meaning I’ve had to work a bit harder than usual, and I need the caffeine. Throw in an IGN guide on top of it—for De Blob 2 if you care—and it’s going to be pretty busy. 
  

I don’t really mind since this is a pretty short-term thing, and I keep reminding myself that after a week, I won’t have to deal with college ever again. The only real problem is that the added caffeine seems to be giving me trippy dreams. Last night, I had a pair of wrestling-related dreams: the first was I was working with Jerry Lawler at Kohl’s or some other retail store, like it was a scene out of The Wrestler and Jerry was dealing with a post-wrestling life. And during our work shift, he wound up cutting a promo on a karaoke machine, which everyone else booed. Then the scene shifted, and I found myself working for WWE, and I was at the arena for WrestleMania 27, helping set up snacks for the crowd… even though, even in the dream, we were all aware that the event was still six weeks away. Apparently in Pyro’s Dream World, brownies stay good for six weeks sitting out in the open at room temperature. And one batch is enough to feed 75,000 people.

Ugh. If my brain insists that it has WWE dreams, why do they have to be that lame? And not, you know, feature My Melina in all sorts of borderline illegal outfits and positions? Maybe tonight will be luckier…

Segment 1: We’re cold-opening to Triple H, who gets a solid pop but amazingly not an explosive one. Trips begins by saying hi, and then says that he’s already done everything there is to do in WWE. Uh oh… sounds like a retirement speech to me, and I’ve been hoping against the rumors that this wasn’t coming to pass.

Trips runs down his resume, including that he started DX with Shawn Michaels and Evolution with Ric Flair. He’s been loved and hated, held the World Championship 13 times in his 16 years, beaten noobs and legends, and he’s outlasted all of them… except for the Undertaker.

Taker apparently has gained a new nickname as of the beginning of this episode, that being “The Last Outlaw.” But Trips takes umbrage at the four-minutes-old nickname, though he understands it. He gets that Taker looks at the locker room and can’t see any more challenges or extreme test. Trips says that Taker lives and dies by the Streak now, and he correctly points out that Trips himself is the only “true challenge” left, and the only true challenge Trips has left is ending the Streak. Trips assures us all that he will end the Streak, and it’s going to happen at WrestleMania 27. Further, he says that they will define their era, and nothing else will matter on that night.

He turns into Duncan MacLeod by declaring that there can be only one… and when the Streak dies, Taker himself will die. And if Trips can’t end it, then he’ll die trying.

Man, all this talk of death, so morbid. Nice symmetry here though: It’s Trips talking about death and demise and destruction, rather than Taker himself. Good stuff.

…Wait, we’re not done, because here comes Sheamus, cutting off Trips’s exit music. Sheamus makes his entrance, enters the ring…

…And immediately eats a swift kick to the testicles. He’s on his knees, so Trips stands over him. Pedigree? Nope, Trips throws him out of the ring, flings him into the barricade, then starts beating the shit out of him and flinging him into everything at ringside. Eventually the fight winds up on top of the commentating table. Only then does Trips point to the WrestleMania sign and drill a Pedigree through the table.

Sweet moment. Too bad Jerry and Josh Mathews have to deal with a collapsed table already though… where are they going to keep their diet sodas?

Pre-Segment 2: After commercial, Sheamus is only just being helped up and assisted to the back. General Manager Vista pings the arena, and Jerry handles the duties. He starts to do it the way Michael Cole reads it, but only to just dismiss the method and say that he’s just going to straight-up read the damn thing. And apparently, the GM doesn’t give a shit that Sheamus just got his ass beat, because he’s got a match right the hell now.

Against Evan Bourne. Oh hell yes. We’ve got guys and girls returning every week!

Segment 2 [Singles Match]: Evan Bourne squashes Sheamus by pin. Yup, Sheamus was squashed by a dude that I outweigh. Poor guy really is getting buried, though I understand the story reasons here. Evan ended things with a beautiful Airbourne.

Post-Segment 2: As Evan celebrates, his music fades, and Justin Roberts introduces us to Michael Cole. And then Evan just leaves? Hm. Maybe this is a separate segment without a commercial?

No wait, here’s the commercial. Damn, that was short.

Segment 3: Okay, here’s Michael Cole, and the first thing he wants is for Lawler to get in the ring. Jerry stands on the apron, then Cole reminds him that they can’t smack each other since they’ll both be fired. But then Cole clarifies: he read the fine print, and the restriction is actually only one-way. If Lawler hits Cole, Lawler is fired, but Cole is fine no matter what.

So Cole backs up a step and lets Jerry get in the ring proper, then gets in his face and says that he so totally wasn’t going to back down from the challenge. In fact, no one in the whole fucking universe with bigger balls than Cole! So his answer to the match challenge… is “No.”

Boos. But then Cole goes on that he will accept the match under two conditions. First, that Cole’s “trainer” can be his corner man during the match, and second, that Cole gets to pick a special referee. Jerry calls him “Cole Sore,” then declares that he doesn’t care if Cole has Batman, Superman, King Kong, and the son of Simba (that one was random) in his corner, he totally agrees.

Cole is happy about it, and starts appealing at the corners to the crowd about how awesome it is to have the match. So with that, he’s going to introduce who his trainer it is…

Jack Swagger? Uh, that… that’s surprising. And a little sad, if that’s all Jack is doing at WrestleMania. I guess it’s better than nothing at all, but damn, no Kofi/Swagger blowoff or anything at Mania? What the fuck?

Jack gets in Jerry’s face, and they stare each other down as the crowd fires up a “Jerry! Jerry!” chant. Then Cole slaps Jerry, and Jerry chases him to the opposite corner. Jack chop blocks him, then applies the ankle lock. Jerry taps to no avail, and Cole just trash talks him while he grimaces. Dicks.

Pre-Segment 4: As Cole takes Jerry’s place at the desk, which has magically been rebuilt, Cole basically cuts a hyper-intense promo against Jerry and how he’s so totally going to learn the ankle lock and beat the shit out of Lawler at WrestleMania. Ugh.

So here comes Randy Orton, and oh joy, he gets to talk. He gives us a hyper-intense promo that, though it starts off being a ridiculous ramble as usual, actually hits a good punch line: “I’m going to kick you [CM Punk] in the head so hard that your spine will snap, and I’ll make you a permanent resident at a rehabilitation center where your only goal in life will be to walk again!” That was actually pretty damn solid, and Orton got it out in one breath with no flubs! Truly, it’s a sign of the apocalypse, though I continue to wonder why, after lines like that, the fans still consider him a face. I’ve said before that as much as we hate Orton here at OO, we won’t dismiss fans’ tastes (no matter how stupid and misguided they are)… We may hate the guy and think his alignment is backward, but the fans clearly like him, so… whatever, I guess.

Orton goes on that Punk will have to sip all his meals through a straw and that life “will be a permanent haze that you cannot control, and the only thing you will have left is the faith that failed you.” Uh… okay? I think Orton should have quit while he was ahead, but again, he didn’t fuck up his lines, and that’s an improvement.

So here comes Punk, flanked by Nexus, to respond from the stage. Punk says that Orton might be wanting to put him in rehab, but Punk wants to put Orton in the ground. Damn, that’s… actually, less creative than what Orton said.

Anyway, Nexus huddles, and then GM Vista pings the arena again. Cole says he doesn’t want to keep stealing the spotlight, so he makes Josh read the announcement. The GM declares that Punk and Orton will face each other at WrestleMania, and in the intervening weeks, Orton will fight the members of Nexus. For each singles match, if Orton wins, then that Nexus member is banned; if Orton loses, that Nexus member gets to be in Punks corner during their WrestleMania match. Further, if anyone from Nexus interferes during these intervening matches, then Nexus is disbanded forever.

Huh. That whole thing is a neat twist to the many-on-one odds stories we’ve seen. I like it. And the first qualifying match is right now.

Segment 4 [Singles Match]: Randy Orton defeats Mike McGillicutty by pin. Decent enough match, but nothing special. The story was about as formulaic as you can get: Mike did the offense for the first half of the match, then Orton did the offense for the second half and ended his flurry with an RKO. Done and done.

Post-Segment 4: After the match, Orton looked around, then started drooling (really), then backed up and readied a Punt Kick of Doom. Just like last time, Punk insisted no one wanted to see it and that he totally shouldn’t do it. Just like last time, Orton then started moving around like he needed to crap his pants and couldn’t get to the bathroom. Just like last time, Orton delivered the Punt anyway. Just like last time, he bailed and escaped through the crowd as Nexus chased him. Just like last time, I really don’t care.

Cut Scene: WWE announces they signed Sin Cara, as reported on the OO Forums (which you should be reading every day), and even admit his old name in Mexico. That’s pretty shocking… has WWE ever just blatantly said on their show that they signed someone? That means WWE must have faith in the guy, because you don’t make an announcement like that then follow up by throwing him in FCW for six months. I bet we’ll see Sin Cara soon… maybe in time for WrestleMania?

Segment 5: Here comes The Miz and Alex Riley to talk. Miz reminds us all that The Rock will be in the house tonight—probably on the Titantron rather than in-person—to respond to John Cena’s rap from last week. Miz says that’s kinda funny… because Miz too called out Rock, and Rock isn’t responding to him, so obviously it’s because Rock knows Miz is right. Miz says that Rock was once the biggest name in WWE, followed by Cena, but now their times are finished and it’s Miz himself who’s the biggest name in WWE now.

Miz reminds us of his and Cena’s Tag Title matches last week: Miz tells us that he won the belts, and that Cena lost the belts, which is technically true. That’s exactly how Miz wanted it to demonstrate that while Cena is worrying about Rock, he should only be worrying about Miz. Miz will prove his dominance by beating Cena… then beating Rock the same night! Hm… interesting declaration. He says that after that, no one will ever talk about them again, because the world will say that Miz is the greatest superstar of all time!

Alex Riley wants everyone to stand in appreciation, but here comes John Cena to respond. Cena gets to the ring eventually, then cuts a Cena-esque promo (with a manila envelope as a prop) that declares that Miz has a small penis and has an obsessive-compulsive disorder that compels him to pee in milk jugs. Oh, and Alex eats toilet paper.

Alex responds that John was named after toilet nicknames, because everything he says is full of crap. Well, at least that was intentionally bad… even Michael Cole thought Alex should have just let that one go.

Cena responds by doing a stage whisper to Miz that, maybe, just maybe, Alex is the reason no one is taking Miz seriously. Heh, okay, that was clever. But wait, now Cena goes off that Miz should dump Alex because “your legacy shouldn’t be defined by sharing your life with another man.” Ugh. Cena finishes that Miz should fire Alex so that it will just be the two of them at WrestleMania.

Miz responds that Cena is scared of Alex, and that he (Miz) is too busy sharing his intellect and experience with people, unlike Cena, who is too concerned with T-shirt colors and jean shorts to do anything better. Cena replies by calling them both gay. Ugh, again. Fuck you, Cena.

Cena finally gets around to challenging Alex for a match, and that if Cena wins, Alex is fired from Miz’s employ. Miz and Alex whisper for a moment… and then Miz accepts. On one condition. Miz assures us all that he won’t interfere in the match, and if Cena loses, he will have to publicly say that Miz is the greatest ever because he’s the Miz, and he’s awesome. Cena considers that he’s been called Barney’s turd, has been fired, and other issues that he’s had to deal with in the past year, and Miz’s request is nothing compared to the gravity of the others, so Cena’s game.

Now here’s GM Vista, pinging the arena for the third time tonight. Cole does the honors this time, reading that the GM doesn’t disbelieve Miz, but that to ensure there isn’t interference, the match will be a cage match. And there won’t be a ref: it’s going to be escape-only rules.

I’m hungry, and I want Hot Pockets. Damnit.

Pre-Segment 6: MELLLIIINNNAAA!!!

Segment 6 [8-Diva Battle Royal, winner is #1 contender for the Divas Title]: One of the Bella Twins eliminated Gail Kim, outlasting Maryse et al. This was an insanely time-compressed battle royal, with one diva getting tossed after about a quarter of a second. Yeesh.

The finish was pretty damn clever. The final three were Maryse, Gail, and a Bella (we’ll call her #1), and Gail chucked Maryse through the ropes by practically pulling her hot pants down from the front. Maryse hit the floor, then charged toward the ring anyway. The refs restrained her, but as they were doing so, Gail tossed Bella #1 from the north side of the ring. She raised her arms in victory, but the refs didn’t see it, and the other Bella—who had already been eliminated—came came from the south side of the ring. Bella #2 eliminated Gail, and the refs saw that, so the Bella won.

Meanwhile, Eve was on commentary. She didn’t want to see that kind of shit, so she stomped her bare feet into the ring and gave the ref the 411. But the Bellas don’t like the truth being told, so Bella #1 came back in the ring and attacked Eve from behind. Both Bells stomped the piss out of Eve, then left her writhing on the ground as the refs restored order.

Poor Gail. And poor My Melina, who was eliminated with Natalya by Maryse. At least my top four were all in the match, but I would have liked to ogle them for more than four seconds.

Segment 7: We get a replay of Cena’s rap, and now it’s time for Rock’s reply… which, yes, is indeed being done remotely. WWE dickishly hits Rock’s music and lets his entrance video play for a bit, until finally he appears on the Titantron, probably to the light disappointment of the live fans.

Rock begins by having his back to the camera, wearing a John Cena hat and what is probably a heavy chain with a dog tag on it. Rock says “yo” a dozen times, turns around… oh, it’s not a dog tag, is a pimp medallion with Cena doing his taunt. God, don’t tell me they actually sell that at WWE Shop.

Rock turns his Cena hat to his right because he’s being a cartoon of a cartoon of a rapper, and is somehow correctly pulling it off. In a baby voice, he starts a rap… “The Rock is rapping! The Rock’s gone soft! So now he needs—” His voice goes normal. “—to take this crap off!” And the chain breaks away and the hat goes flying. Awesome! And now the real promo can begin, and once again I’ll go verbatim (after the “FINALLY” lines)…

“It’s that electricity that is in the air right now, you cut it with a knife!, that excitement that makes every woman with a beating heart stop in her tracks and say ‘DAMN! I want a piece of the Rock!’ And it makes every single man with an ounce of testosterone in his body say ‘Damn Rock! Let’s get together and whup some candy asses!’ It’s that electricity that commands the attention, and right know, I know the Rock, the People’s Champ, and the people, we’ve got the attention of John Cena!

“So let me get this straight. I make my historic return to RAW, electrify the world, spoke from the heart directly to the people, and last but not least, John Cena, I said exactly how I feel about you. The Rock came back to RAW, kicked down your door, and addressed you like a man! And what did you do in response? You rap to me? You rap… to me. You address me in the form… of rap.

“Well of course you did. Because that’s how the guy in the purple shirt responds with his dog tag chains and his jean shorts! ‘Hustle loyalty respect! Yeah! Thugonomics! Yeah!’”

Here the crowd starts a Rocky chant, but Rock doesn’t pause. So either they lied and this isn’t live (which I suspect), or the Rock can’t hear it or doesn’t care. Meh, whatever.

“I thought it was funny. It was real funny. Let me remind you, and the world, how this whole thing started. It all started with you, John Cena, publically running your mouth about me, calling me a liar when I say I love the WWE. You said don’t jerk you or the fans around by saying that I love this business and not coming back. John, by saying that, you insulted me… and my family.

“Let me tell you something. My love for the WWE is endless. I grew up in the WWE. I was born into the WWE! My blood is the WWE! My grandfather, the late great High Chief Peter Miavia; my father, former WWE Tag Team Champion Rocky Johnson; both Hall of Famers who I inducted! I am standing in my house… this—” He motions to his titles in his display case behind him. “—is my collection of WWE Championship titles that I proudly display!

“I didn’t show my love because I accomplished my goals in the WWE and I wanted to achieve more? I knew that if I made it in Hollywood, outside of the WWE, then that meant one important thing: that I just opened the door for the WWE, helped open the door for the entire WWE locker room that’s there tonight, I helped open the door, John Cena, for you… paved the way for you. And what do you do? You publically insult and knock the People’s Champion!

“Well John Cena, now there are consequences. You’re going to pay for running your mouth. Now, you have just made an open plea for me to bring it. And trust me, like no one else on this planet, under God’s hot sun, brings it like The Rock! I bring it!

“Now you have just opened a door yourself, and on the other side, staring right back at you, is the jabroni-beating, pie-eating, trail-blazing, eyebrow-raising, Cena you say what you want, you reap what you sow, but The Rock will kick your monkey ass from here all the way to Buffalo! The Rock is hosting WrestleMania… but more importantly, John Cena, he will be addressing you... sooner… than you think.

“You see, The Rock electrifies all over the world! His spirit is everywhere! The people’s spirit is everywhere! And it’s in that spirit, and in that electricity, that allows the People’s Champ to raise the People’s Hand, snap the People’s Fingers, and electrify Buffalo just… like… that…!”

Rock snaps his fingers, and he sort of un-electrifies the arena, because almost all the lights go out. But fuck it, we continue…

“Buffalo… Get ready. Because in a few seconds from right now, you will feel the electricity, because when The Rock, the People’s Champ, addresses John Cena like a man, face-to-face, The Rock is never alone! And The Rock means never… alone! The Rock, the People’s Champ, is with the millions—” The lights come back on as the crowd gives their line, then go off again… “—The People’s Champ is with the millions—” Once again… “Have mercy! It’s The Rock, and the millions—” One more time, but this time the lights stay on and we get a shot of the whole arena, a pretty sweet visual… “Bringing it to WrestleMania! Bringing it to the world!

“John Cena, The Rock ain’t no rapper, and clearly, neither are you. But open your ears and shut your mouth and listen to this very special gift from the People’s Champion to you! …The Rock is back, to scratch a major itch, so enjoy your Fruity Pebbles, you Yabba-dabba-bitch! The Rock will address you like a man! In these eyes you’ll be looking, and in that exact moment you will smell what The Rock is cooking!”

Rock stares at the camera angrily for a few seconds as his music fires up, and the crowd lights up.

That one wasn’t quite as good as his return monologue, but goddamn was it sweet nonetheless. To be honest, The Rock having an “above average” promo for himself is still better than 99% of the roster’s “perfect” promo. The visuals were pretty fucking sweet, and Cena continues to get marginalized from his face status.

Which, really, is fine by me. Fuck face/heel: for this specific feud, it doesn’t exist, and that’s fine to everyone who has any sort of intelligence (which probably eliminates most of WWE’s current preteen fan base).

Cut Scene: Speaking of legends, we get a video package of Shawn Michaels giving an interview about the Trips/Taker match. Shawn says that while he’s happy for Trips to be trying to end the Streak, part of him is upset that he couldn’t “get the job done,” so it’s a mix of emotions.

Shawn gives his thoughts about what it’s like to be in the ring with each guy, juxtaposed with some clips of their respective matches. Shawn says that Trips never has a drop of compassion in his eyes in his matches, and that includes going against Shawn himself, who is “his best friend in the world.” And that is why Shawn believes, if anyone can snap the Streak, it’s Triple H.

“When they collide… well, we’ve used words like ‘epic’ before, but the words won’t do justice now.” Nice line. Shawn says he’s obviously cheering for Trips, but he doesn’t know how he’ll feel when or if he snaps the Streak.

Damn, that was a sweet video package. I’m sure you’ll see it a hundred times on any WWE programming, so you’ll catch it. Be sure you do.

Segment 8: Here comes Daniel Bryan for some reason, and then Miz comes from behind and beats the shit out of him, including pressing DB’s head into the steel borders of the ramp. Miz continues to do head-related offense, kicks and punches, finally shoving DB away just to watch him crawl away. Miz concludes with a Skull Crushing Finale on the outside onto the black mats.

As Miz starts twitching with, uh, adrenaline I guess, Cole strangely says that even he doesn’t condone this assault, which makes absolutely no sense given his love for Miz and his dislike for DB, because fuck continuity. (Note: Cole’s confusion to the attack is justified and makes sense within his character; his disappointment is not.)

Miz finds a mic and says that he did that just because he could. And he wants the Cena/Alex match to start right the hell now, so lower the cage.

The cage is lowered, and we go to commercial.

Pre-Segment 9: After commercial, we see that Miz is at commentary. Again Cole asks why Miz would do that because he was “unsettled” by the attack, and Miz again replies that he did it because he could and it was a message to Cena and The Rock. Cole then randomly says that “some people” are saying Miz has become an afterthought to WrestleMania because of Rock/Cena, and Miz again uses that as a reason to flip out that he’s number one and is the man with the company. Alrighty then.

Segment 9 [Singles Cage Match, Escape-Only Rules]:

What a bizarre match… the reaction of the crowd was as fluid as a river. We started with Cena getting mostly cheers, and he made short work of Alex within 60 seconds and headed to the door. Miz jumped up from commentary, hauled ass, then slammed the door into Cena’s face, letting Alex take control. That brought boos (and from some people in the crowd, raging indifference). Miz walked back over to the desk and gave a classic exchange with Josh…

Josh: “I thought you weren’t going to interfere with his match!”

Miz: “Really? I didn’t see anything.”

Josh: “Oh, I guess it’s 1984 all over again then, huh?”

Shortly after, as Alex had control, Miz—who was tweeting as he was on commentary “because he could”—jumped up again and asked Alex to bring Cena to the east side of the ring. Alex pressed Cena’s face against the steel, and Miz took a picture on his phone as Cena grimaced. This actually brought solid cheers. Weird. After tweeting the pic, he slid his Blackberry phone through the cage, and Alex smacked Cena with it to keep him down. Also clever, and no DQs in a cage match.

After that, Alex crawled to the door and was halfway through. Cena grabbed his ankle to pull him back in, so Miz ran around to grab Alex’s arm and pull him out. Alex suffered being the rope in a tug of war, and eventually Cena won out, so Miz went back to commentary.

Cena slapped on the STF. Alex tapped, not that that matters, but Alex was left limp. Cena started to climb the cage, so Miz got up again, grabbed a chair, and threatened Cena so he delayed and stayed up on the cage. Eventually, Alex got up and took control, pulling Cena down and keeping him down, but being too hurt to actually escape himself. And then Miz calmly got back on commentary yet again.

After a commercial, Alex started to escape on the north side of the ring. He got all the way to the top and was laid out on it, struggling to get over. Usually when they move this slow, it’s stupid as hell, but given that Cena had the STF on until Alex passed out, it actually works for the story that he couldn’t move fast.

Cena manages to get up there to and cut him off. After an exchange, Alex slowly slides off the top of the cage and lands on the top rope. Again, Cena moves slow and seems like he should just pop over, but Alex held Cena’s leg, and once again it looks relatively legit—given the rules of the fiction of pro wrestling—that Cena was unable to escape. Cena landed on the top rope too though, then did a huge bulldog off the top rope to the floor.

After that, Cena manages to hit an FU. Rather than immediately leaving, he finds Miz’s phone, takes a picture of Alex’s corpse, then starts to head to the door. Miz again jumps up from commentary, taking the turn so fast that his title belt nearly flies into the audience, and he slams the door shut. Cena considers the situation, then gets between the door and the ropes. Bracing himself against the southwest ring post and screaming like the worst male German porn star ever, he starts to shove the cage door with his whole bodyweight. Miz can’t hold on and winds up letting go, making Cena comically fly out of the ring and facebuster himself into the mats.

Cena wins, but Miz immediately hits him with the Skull Crushing Finale outside the ring. Miz’s music plays as Cena is left laid out on his back, trying to figure out where his life went so horribly wrong.

Though Cole starts flipping out that Rock and Cena need to realize that Miz is unstoppable, Cole glosses over the fact (by not bothering to mention it) that Alex is now fired and what that could mean for the title match. Hm…

Final Thoughts: I’ve done entirely too much commentary already in the recap itself, so I don’t think I need to say anymore here. I do wonder where Husky Harris is… I checked my recaps, and I see that Orton gave him the Punt Kick of Doom at some point, but I can’t find where he did so. How long ago was it? And why didn’t I recap it? Husky was in the Royal Rumble so it had to have happened after that. Is Husky actually gone or is he just off TV while he sells the Punt? I don’t really care, but I am curious.

They announced twice tonight that Stone Cold Steve Austin is coming to RAW next week. They didn’t say what he’s doing, but I’m pretty excited: we know that Austin won’t be able to be there without saying something about The Rock, and Austin/Rock interactions are among the greatest in wrestling history. And any reason for Austin to be on TV is a reason I’ll show up to watch, that’s for damn sure. I never liked Austin as much as I liked The Rock, but I’ve gained some appreciation for the Rattlesnake since I’ve gained some degree of intelligence and analysis.

Guess the momentum of the Road to WrestleMania hasn’t slowed down. Top to bottom, I felt this episode was better than the last two weeks overall. Definitely a must-watch, and not just for Rock’s promo. Literally my only complaint was the women’s match, but at least story-wise it did what it needed to do. If only someone else was holding the belt, I would actually give more than half a shit.

Remember to check out Online Onslaught tomorrow for our final NXT recap, when we’ll see who becomes WWE’s “next breakout star.” At least until the shitty Tough Enough starts airing…

Episode Grade: A-