But hey. At least I’m finishing.

Once I get done with the recap, I’ll be working a bit more on my assignment, and hopefully cramming in another hour or two of World of Warcraft before getting to bed. Can’t believe my friends got me back into it…

Other than that, nothing is going on. I’m just about 100% health-wise, and I got my taxes back, which is always a nice thing. Maybe next week I’ll have something meaningful to blather about, but in the meantime, enjoy this week’s SmackDown recap…

Opening: Teddy Long greets us, speaking to-camera, he says that although Vickie Guerrero was complicit in the attack against him, and even though he fired Dolph Ziggler, he wants to have Vickie fight for her job. So tonight, Vickie and Drew McIntyre will take on Kelly Kelly and Edge, and if the heels lose, Vickie is fired.

Segment 1 [Singles Match]: Rey Mysterio defeats Kane by pin. Good solid match, but nothing we’ve not seen before. The final sequence was a 619 from Rey, followed by Rey trying a top rope seated senton, but Kane caught him. However, Rey twisted and turned, reversing it into tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Kane hit the dirt, Rey quickly pinned him with that flippy leg thing I talked about in the RAW recap that I don’t have a name for, and it was over.

Post-Segment 1: As Rey celebrates his win, Dusty Rhodes hits the ring and gives Rey a celebratory hug… and we fade to commercial? Uh, okay…

Segment 2: Ah, we’re back, and Dusty is ready to cut his promo. Dusty puts Rey over and says that he’s disappointed in Cody Rhodes and his behavior lately. Cody is in the building, and Dusty wants him here now.

Cody comes out presently, wearing the Clear Mask of Rhinoplasty, and gets in the ring while trying to hide his face. My concern: if Cody is that so upset about showing off his face, why get a completely clear mask?

Anyway, Cody asks why Dusty called him out, since he’s all embarrassed and ashamed since everyone is staring at him. Further, Cody isn’t happy about being left off the last two PPVs, and it’s all Rey’s fault! Dusty counters that Cody has just lost focus on his goals, that Cody got too caught up in his looks to remember that pro wrestling is about WrestleMania and the Hall of Fame and that kind of thing. Dusty points out that while Cody was “being Dashing,” Miz and Edge won their respective titles, when it should have been his moment. Dusty practically begs Cody to square up with Rey, especially since Rey is a friend of the Rhodes family.

Cody takes a moment, then apologizes to Dusty and Rey in turn. Cody offers his hand, Rey shakes it, and everything seems to be on the up and up. Rey then shakes Dusty’s hand, but Dusty hangs on… giving Cody a chance to jump him from behind and beat the shit out of him. So, uh, a heel turn for Dusty Rhodes?

Cody beats the crap out of Rey around the ring, finishing him off by raking his face across the metal grating at the top of the ramp. After doing that, Cody sees his virtual mirror up under the Titantron, then slams his head into it. To be final dick, Cody removes Rey’s mask and kicks him in the face. Rey keeps his back turned and head covered so no one sees him unmasked, and Cody leaves with the mask as a prize.

Segment 3: After commercial, Dusty congratulates Cody in the back. They share a tender moment, and Cody continues to clutch Rey’s mask. Cody’s final line: “Now Rey’s… dashing.” Whatever that means.

Segment 4 [Singles Match]: Rosa Mendes squashes Layla by disqualification. Match was like 45 seconds long, with Rosa completely on offense. The fight spilled outside, where Michelle was on commentary. Layla’s sole offensive move sent Rosa flying into Michelle, and Michelle countered by beating on Rosa. The ref saw it and rang the bell.

Layla then started bitching out Michelle, who got in the ring and argued back. Despite some tension (in my pants), Layla finally relented. She and Michelle put arms around each other’s hips, and they walked off to boos.

Segment 5 [Singles Match]: Jack Swagger defeats Kofi Kingston by submission. Decent match. Though the match was only about five minutes long, they never slowed down. The story here was Kofi’s hurt arm after Alberto Del Rio’s assault on Monday. Jack did tons of arm-related offense, though Kofi had tons of his own. However, it only took one mistake: Kofi threw Jack off the ropes and went for a roundhouse, but Jack held on and stopped himself. Kofi whiffed the kick and fell on his face, and Jack quickly pounced with the ankle lock. Kofi tried to roll through, but his injured arm gave out, and he was forced to tap.

Poor guy. Hurt arm, hurt leg, he’ll be a broken shell by the time get gets to Mania!

Segment 6: After two commercial breaks and a RAW recap, Vickie is wandering in the halls and finds Chavo Guerrero. She begs him for his help in her match tonight, and Chavo refuses. He’s still pissy about being her gofer, and tells her that payback is a bitch. Well, he literally says, “Payback’s a… well, you know what they say.” Yes, yes we do.

Segment 7 [Singles Match]: Big Show defeats Wade Barrett by countout. Well, we had a pin, a submission, and a DQ… may as well hit for the cycle, right?

Corre was banned from ringside for the match, and it was a solid-but-bland brawl. Eventually the fight spilled outside, and Barrett managed to fling Show hard into the post at the six-count. Wade started to get in the ring at seven, but Show pulled him back out. Show got in the ring, at eight, and then Referee McDoucher counted nine and ten within a nanosecond.

After the match, the rest of Corre hit the ring. Show left, but only to get a chair. He got back in, blasted Justin Gabriel in the face, and everyone else ran away. Pussies.

Segment 8 [Mixed Tag Match]: Edge & Kelly Kelly defeat Drew McIntyre & Vickie Guerrero by pin. Match was all right but nothing special. K2 got in early offense, but then the guys tagged in and it basically became a singles match. The finish was Edge setting up the Spear on Drew, but then Vickie got in the ring to stop him. K2 then got in the ring and Speared Vickie, getting her out of the way so Edge could Spear Drew. Edge made the pin, and that was that.

…With 15 minutes to spare. What the heck can be left? Oh, here comes Teddy Long, and… and a commercial. Sigh.

Segment 9: We’re back from commercial. T-Long soaks up the cheers, and Vickie grabs the mic and begs for her job. T-Long rips the mic away, tells her that she’s fired, and immediately leaves the ring. Yeah, that was worth the pregnant pause and commercial break.

Edge waves her away as the crowd sings the goodbye song, and Vickie starts begging everyone around, from the ref to Booker T, to help her out. No one is willing to help her, and she continues to cry as she begs everyone and we milk this to entirely uncomfortable levels.

Eventually, she gets a mic and gets in the ring, begging for Edge’s help and even declaring her love—or at least their chemistry—to him. Edge actually looks concerned, but it’s just a ruse so he can say, “I can help you get your job back… but I won’t.” Finally, she accepts it and bails to the back while still screaming.

…And that’s when Alberto Del Rio hits the ring and beats the fuck out of Edge, including sending him shoulder-first into the ring post. ADR locks in the cross-legged arm breaker and holds it for a good 30 seconds before a ref finally decides to break the hold. ADR laughs and does his wink as we end the episode.

Final Thoughts: This one tried to be entertaining, but WWE was doing everything they could to screw it up. There was way too much filler here that I didn’t recap. For example, they replayed the whole thing of John Cena’s response to The Rock’s comments, and they replayed the majority of the Undertaker/Triple H awesomeness from Monday. Except, some douchebag narrated in way overly melodramatic fashion, as if he learned all his storytelling techniques from movie trailers. Thrown in stupidly placed commercials and an overly long main event promo, and I’m beyond annoyed.

It wasn’t all bad. Show/Corre was good, as Show finally got one up on the group. Swagger/Kofi deepens, and I amazingly actually care about Cody/Rey. But other than ADR’s final attack on Edge, there wasn’t anything else going on tonight that was worth it. I’m conflicted: it was sustainable episodic TV for the few storylines and segments the writers paid attention to, but overall it was overly long and too focused on RAW stories.

I mean, I’m probably the only person on the entire Internet who thinks that ending the brand split is a terrible idea, and tonight we’re faced with a situation where SD is clearly the B-show, but half of it was used as a vehicle for the two biggest stories on the A-show. If they keep this up, what’s the point of SD? And sure, I know: Undertaker/Trips and Cena/Rock are fantastic stories that do need to be talked up. Read my RAW recaps: I’m digging both stories and it’s giving WrestleMania extra spice this year. But at the same time, SmackDown does exist, and they do have talent on that brand. There are far more things that can be happening, many stories or rivalries or matchups that we would enjoy seeing, that are getting pissed away and overshadowed by RAW. Or better put, just because Taker/Trips and Cena/Rock exist on RAW doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to put on something just as good on SD.

But hey, what do I know? I’m not a Writer Monkey.

Episode Grade (the actual SD stuff): B-

Episode Grade (overall): C-